Dedicated to and inspired by: A. McIntyre, J. Reed, A. Worris & Y.Lane
"What next? I can't take this shit anymore Terrance! This is really beginning to get to me".
"It's okay Keirstin. Girl everyone goes through the ups and downs of coming out and you are no exception honey!"
"Yeah but it's not the same shit people in my situation go through ya know? And these damn stereotypes don't help much either. I mean people tellin' me that I'm all confused & shit and everybody's telling me that I need to make up my mind about the type of person I wanna be with! What kinda crap is that? I should be able to be intimate with whomever I choose at any given point in my life. What's wrong with liking someone for more than what they have to offer between their legs anyway? I thought that was the whole point when you get with someone.. To look for the qualities within as well as out. I mean, I get shit from everybody! I get shit from lesbians for not being attracted to only women; I get shit from the straight folks who call me dykes and anything else they can think of at the time. I mean damn! It's like I get discriminated against no matter what the fuck I do or who I like. I mean why can't people just see me for who I am? Me.
"I know exactly how you feel suga, and so do a lot of people out there. But honey it's simple. The key is to like the person YOU are and fuck the rest of the world, girl! Ya know what I'm sayin'? Girl… let them other folk's hate on yo' fine ass cause you can pull nigga's and bitches they only wish they could fuck! Okaaay!" as he stood there with one hand in the air and the other on his hip.
I couldn't help but smile. Terrance always knew how to get me in a good mood. That boy was crazy for real and I'm proud to say that he is one of my very best friends. In case you haven't already guessed it, Terrance is gay. He is one of those very out spoken and extremely flamboyant in your face type of guys who knows how to have you doubling over in laughter at almost anything. He has always been a lot of fun and I have to add that the brotha has neva steered me wrong. He has always kept me grounded when things in my life got rough. In short, he's a real good guy. In fact he was the very first person that I told about my newfound sexuality. But let him tell it there was nothing new about my sexuality. He had pegged my high yellow ass right from the start.
Terrance and I met at Middledale High School in Springfield, Virginia in 1996 when almost everything for everyone different was fucked up. As I told you earlier, Terrance is a very out spoken person and he didn't care who knew what he was or what he liked. He flat out didn't give a damn about any opinion you had to offer him about his choice of lifestyle then or now. I admired that about his character. Who knew that would be the platform on which we would develop a life long friendship?
My first run in with Terrance took place right before second lunch ended for the members of the senior class. He was standing in the hallway doing his little dance steps that he did to pass the time between classes and make things a little more exciting throughout the day. As I stood there amongst the crowd watching him and a few of his female friends doing their thing In the middle of the cafeteria, a kid from the crowd started laughing and pointing directly at Terrance. But being the type of guy Terrance was he wasn't about to let some jerk spoil his groove. He kept on doing his thing hardly paying the punk any mind at all. But you know how folks are who just have to start shit for no apparent reason at all. So obviously the kid didn't stop at pointing and laughing, he decided that he had to throw name-calling into the mix too. He would soon find out that that wasn't such a good idea.
" Hey! Get a load of that little faggot out there dancing. He looks like a little fairy prancing around like some little girl," the boy shouted as the other students began to chuckle amongst themselves as they looked on.
Terrance was smooth as hell in the manner he decided to handle the situation. I think if it was me, I would've been way to embarrass to do or say anything, but that just wasn't his style. Terrance stopped in the middle of a fly ass dance step and walked directly over to the boy who made the comments that got the crowd all worked up.
" You wanna repeat that again, Duane?"
"You heard me you little faggot over there dancing like some little girl"
"Well it seems like I'm not the only one with some girlish moves now am I Duane…after all weren't YOU the little bitch I had moanin and groanin' under my sheets just last weekend while you were suckin' on my chocolate lollipop!"
Terrance had got him. That boy didn't know what to do or what to say for like the first few seconds. And as you know in High school the first few seconds you don't retaliate could be the longest and most damaging seconds of your high school life. Everyone in the cafeteria busted out laughing at Duane, as Terrance put it and you would think that would have taken care of it, but you know Duane had to say something right? Why couldn't the boy just stop there?
"Yeah whatever punk… you keep on wishing it was me," Duane shouted looking completely guilty to the crime.
Terrance paid the boy very little attention as he sa' shayed his way out of the cafeteria doors. Duane had no clue that Terrance was just getting started.
_____It was seventh period and the day was almost over with the exception of the afternoon announcements that hardly anyone paid attention too. Today would prove to be very different. See our school was fairly new so we had high tech video monitors in all of the hallways and classrooms that they used to broadcast the day's announcements. Suddenly the intercom chimed in as the restless student body began packing up their belongings anxiously waiting to leave for the day.
"Good afternoon students I am pleased to share with you this afternoons video announcements"
As I stood at my desk gathering my things as I always did around this time a sound I will Neva eva forget grabbed mine and everyone else's attention.
"ummmm….ah…oooooooh ummmmmm…Oh baby ….ummmmmm"
When I looked up you wouldn't believe what was on the monitors. I'll be damn if it wasn't a video of Duane given head to some guy right there for all the faculty students and staff to see! Talk about embarrassing! Needless to say Duane didn't have too much to say about anyone different anymore. But because of the graphic content of the tape they only aired it for 15-35 seconds before it was cut off and never to be seen again. So guess who did that? You guessed it! It was Terrance! Although all the kids that were in the cafeteria earlier had assumed it was Terrance, no one could actually prove without a doubt that it was him so neither Duane or Terrance got into trouble. I told you that he was smooth.
As everyone was beginning to leave school after the announcements were made I saw Terrance waiting by the buses; shooting the breeze with a couple fellow ‘admires' from the cafeteria incident earlier. I decided to walk over to him and tell him just what I was thinking.
"Hey, love your work" I said a little nervous not sure if he would befriend me or just count me off as just another person who wanted to make fun of him for being different.
"Thanks! You know I had to put him in his place girl!"
"I know you did! You did a great job. So was that you on the tape with him?"
"You ain't know? Yeah chil' it was me. I was workin' his tired little ass out girrrl! That bitch came back for seconds and thirds okaay! Shoot the only reason he was actin' all stank was because I started messing with someone else and I guess the poor chil' couldn't handle it!"
"Well I guess that would do it for anyone." I said to him with this huge grin on my face. "So tell me how is it that you are so secure in your sexuality?
"Well aren't you?"
"Aren't I what"? I said acting completely dumbfounded
"Secure with being lesbian"?
Oh shit how could he know or even think that I am lesbian? "What makes you ask that"? I said trying to play the whole thing off.
"Cause girl I've seen you too and you look at everybody and you don't seem to let these fools get to you either. "
"Yeah I guess I don't." Knowing full well that hadn't confirmed or denied his assumption about my sexuality.
Okay so deep down inside I knew that I liked women. But did everybody know it? I mean it's always assumed that if you're a female then you have to like guys but women? No one I knew could possibly understand that idea. But maybe he could. I still wonder to this day; how in the hell could he have possibly picked that out about me in 20 minutes of conversation? But hey, it was cool although he noticed that I didn't affirm my sexual preference right way, we hung out for a few hours after that. Seeing how he had already missed his bus in the midst of us running our mouths I decided to offer him a ride home. That ride home would spawn a whole new chapter of my life. Terrance and I would talk about all sorts of things from sexuality to hairstyles to cars to men and women.
Eventually I confided in Terrance that I was actually bisexual and not the lesbian he thought I was. Although I have always been more attracted to women some men had a way of grabbing my attention every once and a while. And Terrance was no exception. I don't know if I told you but he was fine. Although he was flamboyant he didn't have that look about him at all. In fact Terrance had to be about 6'2, 195lbs and cute as hell. To describe him almost to a "T" you would have to picture someone like Shawn Wayans and even then you haven't completely done the brotha justice. But as I said he was gay and he was my boy. Although he was handsome he wasn't my type at all. For one… he liked dick far more than I ever could, bi or not. So for me; that pretty much killed any chance right there.
Over the years through college, careers, first loves, and even to coming out's, Terrance and I had always been there for one another whether it was good or bad. Although Terrance had been out of the closet since our high school years I hadn't found the courage myself to come out to very many people at all. I guess I was afraid of what they might say. So during the times when I did date woman I did it on the DL. IT wasn't until I decided that I was sick and tired of trying to fit into everyone's fantasy of the woman I should be, that I came out. I was ready to finally enjoy the lifestyle that I was destined to live. I decided to adopt the very character trait that I admired so much in Terrance; the I don't give a fuck and I'm proud of who I am attitude. Of course you know my right hand man, Terrance was right there to back me up. I had expected to feel scrutiny from the heterosexual community but I had never imagined the amount of discrimination I would soon encompass from the very community I thought I could count on. So needless to say my coming out experience was not all cocktails and cherries. Instead it had turned into a decision that I would almost regret. The hard thing about it was I was bisexual. Of course at the time I thought that that was the greatest thing in the world; to be out and proud. I guess assuming that others would be proud of me was just way too optimistic.
I enjoyed the company of a good woman but I also enjoyed the company of a good man every now and then. I would soon learn that the lesbian community would not see that as one of my best qualities. Now don't get me wrong, I know that lesbians only desire other women but being bisexual and only mostly leaning in the direction of women was not something they liked all that much. Which brings me to this chick I met one night at a club in DC. Her name was Alicia Sterling. She was what most would consider a hard core stud. She was so into the whole label thing that she insisted on having anyone that knew her call her by her last name, Sterling. I guess she felt that Alicia was too feminine for her personality and I have to admit, it was. She was somewhere around the age of twenty-eight or so and had been "in the life" for more than half of that time. She was a good- looking girl with one dimple on her right cheek and several tattoos that ran the entire length of her right and left arms. She also had a tattoo of a fire- breathing dragon stemming from her right shoulder to the left side of her neck that breathed all six rainbow colors with the words "Red Hot Les 4 Life." etched in black. Sterling was of a spicy cinnamon complexion being that she was of Mexican and African American descent. She stood about five feet, eight inches. And had the prettiest hair I've ever seen. Although she was hard she allowed her long, curly, jet- black hair to grow which she always wore in a single pony tail allowing her hair to flow freely at the end just enough to graze the small of her back.
The first time I recall seeing her was when she and a group of her friends walked onto the crowed dance floor just a few feet away from where some old friends and I were standing. Terrance had decided to stay at home with his new main squeeze Andre. So tonight it was a night out with just me and my girls; Sydney and Felicia. We were all trying to scope out the new hotties that had hit the club that night. Right away one of her friends had grabbed Sydney's attention. As it turns out Sydney knew one of the girls that Sterling had been dancing with named Jaden. They had been friends for several years and she wanted to go and speak to her. And from the looks of Jaden, I wanted to go and speak to her too. That girlie was hot to death. She appeared to be about five feet three inches and stacked in all the right places. Jaden was not the usual super model type. But that didn't mean she didn't meet or exceed their same sex appeal. She was a thick shortie with fiery red locks and emerald green eyes. At first glance I thought that her eyes were just the perfected technology of Acuvue or some shit but when Sydney finally dragged Felicia and I over in her direction there was no doubting that those enchanting eyes were indeed hers.
"Hey girl!" Sydney said as she tapped Jaden on the shoulder trying to get her attention.
"Hey Syd how you been girl"?
"Awl girl I been real good. Just here trying to get out of the house and chill with my dawgs.
"Awl that's cool. This is my girl Sterling and over there is my girl Nicole. We were just out trying to have a lil fun after a long ass work week."
"I hear that! Same here."
By this time Jaden and Sydney decided to sit down so they could catch up and Jaden could catch her breath. Mean while Sterling decided that she and Nicole were going to go a few rounds on the dance floor before returning to their table that was directly across from ours. Felicia and I had just gotten our drinks from the bar and were beginning to sit down just as Sydney and Jaden came strolling over to our the table.
"Felicia, Keirstin, this is my girl, Jaden. She and I had an internship at the same design agency in college a couple years back."
"Hi " Felicia said attempting to look past them just long enough to witness her ex bumping and grinding her ass up against some new found pussy. I on the other hand had all my attention on Jaden.
"Hi. It's a pleasure to meet you." I said as I accepted her extended hand and kissed it lightly on the top before placing it within my own.
"Likewise." She said as she flashed me a rather coy smile.
I couldn't resist the urge to return her endearing smile. But as I did, I began to realize that I had held on to her hand a little too long while being captivated by her exotic appeal. For when I looked up both Felicia, Sydney and now Sterling were staring back at me.
"You wanna let go of her now playa" Felicia teased jokingly as she shook me from my trans.
"Yeah dawg, she might even stay awhile if you let her go long enough so she can sit down" Sydney added rather sarcastically.
A little embarrassed by my behavior I let go of her and joined Jaden and my friends in their laughter. Sterling on the other hand was not amused. But at that moment I could care less if she was or if she wasn't. See I was not a stupid girl. I had done my homework on Jaden the instant that Sydney had pointed her out to Felicia and I. I knew that I had been attracted to her. I also knew that my girl Sydney could give me the scoop on her before I ever got the opportunity to actually meet her. I had already asked her about the female Jaden I had been dancing with. I also found out their status long before Sydney even approached them on the dance floor. Like I said, I wasn't stupid. I wasn't one to start some unnecessary shit when it came to trying to hook up with some female. I choose to observe the golden rule: do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. A lesson my mother had long since instilled in me and one that would always remind me to stay clear of anyone else's woman. That rule had worked well for me and tonight would be no exception. Sydney had already told me that Jaden had been single for a while and that she was just out to play the field and have a good time. Which suited my interest well considering I was some- what new to the scene and there was no need in getting tied down just as I was getting started.
After the laughter had died down and everyone regained their composure Jaden's friend, Nicole had returned from the dance floor. This time Jaden took the initiative to introduce Sterling and Nicole to Felicia and I. While both Nicole and Sterling seemed to be quite the taken with Felicia, Nicole was the only one half decent to me. I quickly brushed it off by asking Jaden if she wanted to dance. It was finally that time in the club when they were beginning to slow things down and set the mood. The first of the many slow jams to come would just so happen to be one of my favorite songs by Aaliyah. They played It's Whatever and at the moment that was just how I felt. To my delight Jaden graciously accepted my invitation and we were off to the dance floor leaving Sterling, Felicia, Nicole and Sydney behind to chat amongst themselves.
"I'm glad that you finally asked me to dance. I was beginning to think that you weren't feeling me." She said with a coy and alluring look in her eyes.
At that moment I smiled and said nothing as I slipped my hands gently around her waist and pulled her luscious frame close to mine as we began to hear and feel the soft sensual sound of Aaliyah's voice gently ease away any tension we may have had. Jaden's body rock ever so softly within my rhythm as I continued to hold her close. As the song began to draw to a close I asked her.
" Can you tell I'm feeling you now"?
Her caramel colored skin became flush almost parallel to the fiery red tresses of her hair. She merely smiled as she held my hand guiding us back to our table. Just as we were approaching it, Jaden felt a sudden urge to go to the ladies room. As she excused herself, I released her hand from my grip and she lightly kissed me on the lips. I take it she was feeling me too. Tonight was definitely going well until Sterling decided to open her mouth just as I sat down.
"Enjoy yourself out there? "
" As a matter fact I did." I said rather cockily not the least bit swayed by her tone or her appearance.
Sensing the underlying tension in our voices Sydney chimed in changing the subject from Jaden and I to Alana, Felicia's ex still shaking her ass out on dance the floor. I wouldn't say it was the wisest change in subjects since Felicia was sitting right there and the fact that she wasn't quite over their breakup, she was bound to vent her frustration to anyone that would listen. And I'll be damned if she didn't.
"Look at the girl out there shakin' her ass with any bitch willing to pay her sorry ass any attention." Sydney uttered sarcastically.
But Felicia didn't find it the least bit amusing. In fact instead of trying to find some humor in the situation. Instead, Felicia decided to use us as her audience to vent her frustration.
"Awl fuck that dumb bitch! She don't know what she wanna do from one minute to the next."
"What you mean by that," Sterling asked as she sipped on her fourth or fifth Corona of the night.
"Just what I said. That bitch don't know what she wanna do!" Felicia said obviously frustrated from watching Alana continue to get her groove on without her.
But leave it to Sydney to try to set things straight when she should've left shit well enough alone.
"That girl's bisexual. That's what Felicia meant by her not being able to make up her fuckin' mind. Besides just a couple of weeks ago she left Licia for some nigga and now here she is up in the club shakin her ass for a bunch of females. That crazy hoe don't know what she wanna do with herself!"
I sat there in amazement as Sydney told all of Felicia's business to someone she hardly even knew. I guess I wasn't the only one who felt that way. The expression on Nicole's face mirrored my own inner thoughts as we listened intently to the words that came out Sydney's mouth.
"I hate bisexual bitches. I wouldn't fuck with any of them crazy hoes. I don't give a damn how fine the chick is. Them confused bitches won't ever bring me any diseases from no sorry ass niggas." Sterling hissed as she continued to sip on her drink.
Now mind you both Sydney and Felicia knew damn well that I was bisexual and that I wasn't about to sit there holding my tongue. But just as I was about to set a lil fire to Sterling's ass Jaden emerged from the restroom.
"Damn girl what took yo fine ass so long"? Sydney asked playfully tugging at the side of Jaden's skirt.
"Well if you must know, nosey, I made a little pit stop past the bar before coming back over here with you crazy fools. She said grinning from ear to ear in my direction.
Quickly noticing that my demeanor had changed she asked me what was wrong.
"Nothin' it's cool". I said trying to make light of my obvious irritation.
"Okay" she said knowing full well that I was full of shit. But she decided not to press the issue.
And just as I thought the worst was over Felicia continued talking to Sterling…
"I hear that, I'm not fuckin with no more females for while.
"Awl it ain't all females playa just those bisexual hoes you need to watch out for. Like you said they don't know what they want from one minute to the next.
I couldn't take it anymore. Sterling was beginning to pluck my last nerve. And by this time I didn't give a damn how hard she thought she was. I was about to put her in her place.
"First off you don't know what the fuck your talkin about! Most bisexual women aren't even like Alana. And don't get me wrong I'm not saying what Alana did to Felicia wasn't fucked up but that ain't everybody and you need to check yo self before you start judging all bisexual's based on a wide spread misconception! "
Everyone at the table paused as they waited for Sterling's reaction. But what they didn't know was I didn't give a fuck what her reaction was. All I know is that I wasn't about to let her categorize me with the likes of Alana just because we shared the same sexual preference.
"Misconception! What the fuck are you talking about? Seems to me you the chick living in a fantasy world if you don't believe that these bisexual bitches ain't scandalous tricks that be trying to fuck any and every body all at the same time!"
By this time both Sydney and Felicia knew that I was heated. They also knew that on this particular subject, I had no intention of backing down to Sterling or anyone else for that matter.
"Check this…I'm Bisexual bitch! So now what? Perhaps if you were handling your business like you should you wouldn't have to worry about no niggas gettin' all up in yo pussy!"
Silence fell over everyone at the table. Sterling glared angrily in my direction. Felicia noticed that I wasn't the least bit moved by Sterling's demeanor. Knowing how I could be she suggested that we leave before some unnecessary shit jumped off. She knew how I was and it was definitely time to go. As I turned to Jaden to say our good-byes I could tell that she was upset. Although I wanted to stay and talk to her Felicia insisted that we get the hell outta there before someone got hurt. I took that as my cue and we headed out the front door.
After I dropped Felicia off at her house, Sterling's words continued to echo in my mind. I couldn't understand how someone could be so shallow as to not give a person a chance based on sexual preference alone. The idea was one I just couldn't seem to fathom. I mean it's like not giving someone a job based solely on race! You would think that with all the obstacles ‘queer' folks had to face already, you'd think there would be some kind of unity at least in trying to understand one another's views and personal choices. After all isn't that what the gay community which includes, gays, bisexuals, transgender and lesbians have been trying to accomplish with the Heterosexual community? I mean hasn't that been the point all along? The thought of someone judging me before they've had the opportunity to get to know me or someone like me was something I just couldn't understand or accept.
By the time I got home my mind was racing. I had so many thoughts and very little answers. I had to call Terrance. But what if he was sleep or better yet what if he and Andre were in the middle of doing their thing? Well I figured since they both were men they couldn't be at it all that long considering out of the three men I had ever slept with all of them came within a matter of five minutes or less. The very thought of them being finished so quickly made me chuckle and ultimately ease my mood. Now that I was slightly calmer I decided that now would be an opportune time to call and wake him up. After all what were friends for? I thought as I smiled to myself as the phone rang on the other end.
"What the hell do you want Keirstin"? Terrance mumbled in a sleepy voice.
"Damn the asshole that invented caller I.D " I said laughing
"Well you might wanna thank the bastards cause they're the only reason I answered the phone so nicely." He said in a playful voice. "So how was your night out with the girls?"
"Awl man I was having the best time ever. Sydney introduced me to her home girl Jaden. Damn she was fine. You should've seen her T, she was fierce."
"Well did you get the digits or what Girl?"
"Awl Fuck! I knew I forgot something! But Felicia was in such a rush to leave that I barely got the chance to tell her good bye!"
"Well what was the rush suga? Please tell me you weren't scarred of Ms Jaden's kitty cat"
"Awl come on now T you know damn well you the only one out of me, Syd and Felicia that's afraid of a lil Kitty cat!" I said dying laughing
"Yeah whatever Ms. Thang. Don't act brand new! You weren't always so confident about getting' some pussy. Remember I know you girl, you can't fool me!" he said laughing his ass off. "So really, why were you and Felicia in such a rush?"
"Cause man. Felicia thought me and this female named, Sterling were about to get into it".
Get into it? You were gonna get in a fight? Please chil' don't tell me that you and this Sterling chick were about to come to blows over lil Ms. Kitty cat."
"Nah T you've got it all wrong. It wasn't over Jaden although it seemed as if that was going to be an issue too, that wasn't what started it. Felicia's ex, Alana was there and that's how it all began".
"Hold up! What does Alana have to do with you and Sterling?"
"Well here it is a nut shell. Sydney decided to comment on Alana dancing with all these females after she broke up with Felicia to be with some dude. Felicia of course wanted to rant and rave about how fucked up Alana is. Then Sydney had to put her additional two cents in on how Felicia and Alana broke up. Thus sparking a big discussion turned argument about bisexuality. You can pretty much guess, how the rest went".
"Hmm let me guess Sterling doesn't like bisexuals and since you are bisexual you two decided to have a few words. Both of you lost your temper and Felicia stepped in just in time to save both of you bitches from getting your ass whipped. Does that about cover it Ms. Girl?"
"Yeah that pretty much covers it. But you should have heard the stuff she was saying. I couldn't believe it. I mean why are the one's that are so damn judge mental the very ones who don't want to be judged themselves? I just don't get it T."
"Well honey it's like I keep telling you. Everyone goes through the ups and downs. If you were expecting special treatment I hate to break it to you sweetie but you were in the wrong place! It's like this Keirstin, you can either learn from your experiences and take from them the lessons they have to teach and apply what you've learned to make yourself a better person in the hopes to later influence those around you. Or you can let this shit eat you alive until you become just as bitter as the rest of these ignorant fools out here. But the choice is ultimately yours to make.
"Yeah I guess your right"
"Hell yeah I'm right girl. Have I eva steered you wrong?"
"No girl you haven't" I said laughing underneath my breath.
"I know I didn't just hear a laugh behind that smart- ass comment did I Ms Thang?"
We couldn't help but bust out laughing for he had accomplished the very mission that I had come to rely on him for throughout the years. He made me feel better. And although he didn't magically change the world he did manage to make it a little easier to live in, in his own special way. Only a true friend can lay things out for you weather you like the end result or not. They give it to you straight. They never let you loose your focus for too long. Terrance was a good friend and I treasured his wisdom. I decided to let Terrance return to his entertainment for the evening, Andre. I told him thanks and that I would catch up with him a little later in the week. We got off the phone and I headed for the shower.
Just as I grabbed a clean towel from the hall closet the doorbell rang. Now who in the hell could be ringing my doorbell at 4 o'clock in the morning? I thought to myself as I stood there for a moment. Terrance couldn't have run clear across town in less that two minutes. I know I said men were ‘fast' but not even they are not that fast. I smiled to myself as I headed toward the door. When I looked through the peephole my jaw nearly dropped straight to the ground. It was Jaden! I became nervous instantly. Perhaps Terrance was right. Maybe I was a little afraid of Lil Ms. Kitty cat. Who the hell was I kidding, at 4 o'clock in the morning Lil Ms. Kitty cat alt to be afraid of me!
I opened the door to be greeted by her tantalizing emerald green eyes that had attracted me to her just a few short hours earlier. And now here she was standing before me as breath taking as ever.
"Hello" I said surprised to see her.
"Hello yourself!" she said playfully. "Do you mind if I come in? I really need to talk to you."
" No of course not. Please come in."
I closed the door behind her as she walked towards the sofa and sat down with a serious look upon her face.
"So how did you know where to find me?" I asked a little curious to know if she were some kind of stalker.
"Sydney told me where I could find you. She'd given me your number and I was going to call but I really wanted to talk to you in person. I didn't want to take the chance of never seeing you again especially after the way you and Felicia took off."
I didn't quite know what to say so I opted to listen instead.
"The reason I wanted to see you Keirstin is because I use to share some of Sterling's views on bisexuality. Especially when it came to women."
There was no denying she had my undivided attention. I must admit when I first heard the words flow from her mouth I was ready to have a fit. But taking some of my own advice, I decided to hear her out before I judged her.
"Yeah I did."
"Well you say that as if your opinion has changed."
"Because of you, I think it has. You see, tonight I finally had the opportunity to see the other side of things. Before I met you I use to think of bisexual people in general as confused individuals who couldn't decided on which side of the fence they wanted to be on so they opted to simply straddled the fence instead. But you have helped me realize what I should have realized all along. That type of thinking is the same type of thinking I fight to eliminate within my own lifestyle. I finally realized that the way I thought of a person who's sexual preference differed from my own was the same way a heterosexual may have saw me. The thought of me being so lost within my own reality scared me. The fact of the matter is, before you I never would've had the courage to look at things a little closer and take a little more time to find out the reality of an individual instead of the stereotype of the whole. The reason I came by tonight Keirstin is because I wanted to apologize to you. I wanted to apologize for not realizing my own flaws sooner."
By this time tears had began to run down her face. And as they had I couldn't help but brush away a few tears of my own. Somewhere along the lines she had touched my heart and some profound way I had touched hers too. I walked over to her to where she had been sitting and sat down on the coffee table in front of her.
"It's okay, please don't cry."
"I can't help it I feel so ashamed." She said as her tears continued to fall.
"There is nothing for you to be ashamed of" I said as I softly wiped away her tears and mine. "The fact that you had the courage and strength to come to me and tell me not only how you feel not but how you felt in the past makes me so proud. You have taught me valuable lesson as well, to practice what I preach. Jaden I have to be honest with you. When you first told me that you and Sterling shared similar views, I was automatically ready not to listen to anything you had to say. I'm glad I gave you the opportunity to say what was on your mind before I misjudged you."
"I'm glad you did too. After all if I hadn't come to my scenes when I did, I may have not had the opportunity to meet such a miraculous woman".
As she said the last she reached out to caress the hand that had held her very tears. She reached out for me. With the resolve of my earlier nervousness I touched her face and gently guided her lips toward mine. Within an instant we kissed. Her lips were as warm as a summer' day and as gentle as a silk sheath. She felt so good. But I knew several ways I could make her feel even better. I didn't want to miss this opportunity. I didn't want to let another moment slip away. I wanted her now. I could feel her desire for me beginning to parallel my own. She plunged her tongue deep within my mouth longing and searching for more. With our passion beginning to take us over, I began to move within her rhythm." Although I knew I had to have her I wanted to be sure that this what she truly wanted. As I removed my lips from the sweetness of her mouth I asker.
"Are you sure this is what you want?"
She gently lifted her index fingers to my lips searching for answers within my soul. She looked me deep in my eyes without so much as another word spoken between us she assured me that she was more than prepared for what I had to offer. Bringing myself to my feet I reached for her hand.
"Come with me" I said as she took hold of my extended hand and followed me towards the entrance of the bathroom doors.
" Will you wait for me?" I said as I placed her on the cherry red wine ottoman just outside the entrance in the hallway. She nodded Lightly in agreement to my request.
I quickly made my way through the spacious bathroom finding the switch to set the mood for what was to come. I grabbed several candles and lit each and everyone from the single flicker of an ebony Egyptian match that I had for special occasions. Once the room was to my liking, I reached for the marble drawer to retrieve a selection of relaxing CD's. With the very first on my list for the night being Life Goes On by Donell Jones. As I inserted the compact disk into the player, I selected track number five. Just as I did the alluring sound of Do You Wanna filled the entire space surrounding me. As the music began to play I began to sing the words silently to myself as I stepped out in the hall to reunite with my emerald goddess.
Still patiently awaiting my arrival I took her hand once more. She rose to her feet and accompanied me through the bathroom doors. The smile upon her face gave me all the indication I needed to know that she was pleased. She glided over to me slowly raising her left hand to rest on the side of my cheek as she caressed the smoothness my skin only to follow by stroking the waves of my hair. Her touch caused chills to run down my spin for she had felt so inviting. I kissed her lips softly as I began to remove her clothing. As each piece fell the extent of her beauty unraveled before my very eyes. The warmth of her smooth caramel skin began to radiate off her enchanting frame. I quickly undressed and guided her hot luscious body under the sanctity of the cool crisp water of the porcelain showerhead. She moaned allowed no longer willing to hold back all that she had wanted this evening as the water began to tantalize her fiery red locks and coat the embodiment of her soul.
I needed to feel her now. I needed to feel all that she was feeling and more. With ease I replaced the embrace of the cool water's touch with my own. There wasn't an inch of her body that the water and my tongue did not explore. Her chest rose and fell as I brought her to the very place she pleaded to be all of her life. Throughout the remainder of the night our bodies continued to become one in an ecstasy unmatched and a unity unchallenged still.
The unparalleled reality of that night was so remarkably intense that it makes it difficult to put into words. Although, Jaden and I were at a time in our lives where "life" was a challenge, we came together in unity, friendship and understanding and had the strength to challenge "life" right back. The lesson as well as the concept is very simple. One should never judge a book by its cover for the content that lies within might be just what you've been searching for all along.
Copyright © 2003. Used by permission of author. All Rights Reserved.