Questions I ask myself about my baby: When will I meet her? Is she out there? Must I wait this lifetime in anticipation of the next?
I wait for her. I know she will come this way, because I know her. I wait because I am in love with her. She is the only one who can quench the fire that burns deep in my soul. I’ve tried loving others, but none of them could capture my soul as she has.
I chose this place because I know that eventually she will come where there are others like her, like me. It is a place where women who love women can love freely without fear or inhibitions.
I remember the last lifetime we shared. It was damn good, even though she was 30 years older than me. Somehow we got mixed up. She was born early, and I was born late. We found each other despite the challenge. My departure from that life was bittersweet. After 15 years of unbelievable passion, I became terminally ill. I left my baby too soon.
As I am dying, she says to me, “I’ll see you next lifetime, my beloved. Don’t hold on to this one, look forward to the next.”
So I left and I wait for her now, yearning to taste her love again.
She looks the same in every lifetime. The only thing that changes is her style of dress. Her beauty is insurmountable, her passion is infectious, her love is contagious, and her compassion is undeniable. I can never love another the way I love her. She invites me into the world with my eyes open. She inspires me to live.
I change every lifetime--black, white, or in-between, short, tall, fat, thin. I am always changing from one lifetime to the next. She never knows who I am until our eyes connect. I know her as soon as I see her.
Our first lifetime together was the freest and most accepting. We lived in a world of women. We were into each other and into discovering the pleasures we could give in honor of our love. We have shared over a thousand lifetimes and are destined to share over a thousand more. Our bond has grown strong and indestructible. We have been given the gift of eternal love and it doesn’t need to be questioned or analyzed, but lived. The Goddess herself has honored us.
Once, I was born a man. Though I tried earnestly to convince her to be my lover, she would not accept me. She knew who I was as soon as she looked into my eyes, and I know she loved me, but she couldn’t bring herself to be with a man. So, we became the best of friends. I married a woman I cared about and she was with a woman who loved her almost as much as I do. I never came into life as a man after that. I don’t know if it is my doing, or the Goddess’.
I can’t tell you which lifetime I lost her. I try to forget it, because I lost her due to my own actions. It is damn painful to loose someone you love. It is even more painful when you loose them because of your own stupidity.
We found each other, as we usually do. The first few years were bliss! Then I started taking her for granted. I spent more and more time with friends, thinking she will be there always and forever. One day I came home and she was gone. A note was where her heart would have been, telling me she is gone with some friends and maybe we will see each other. I did not see or hear from her again in that life. I lived 40 years in misery, alone and depressed. I was scared that I lost her forever. Am I going to see her in the next lifetime? I appreciate her more knowing that I can spend eternity without her if I don’t and knowing the soul shattering fear of wondering if I will ever see her again.
It hasn’t always been easy. Once we never found each other. That was a very unpleasant life for me. She won’t tell me about her experience, but I think it wasn’t very good for her either. Once we couldn’t stand to be together. It was like everything in that life was the opposite of what it should have been. One lifetime we battled in so many wars side-by-side, back-to-back. We saw so much pain, destruction and death that love was erased from our souls, but we knew we were safe with each other. We knew that we could only trust each other.
What is always constant is the sex, fucking, lovemaking, or whatever you want to call it. It is always wonderful, always satisfying, and always pleasurable whenever we do it, no matter what lifetime we are in. She does this thing with her tongue and her fingers that can make a crippled mute sing and dance.
What we share is a gift from the Goddess. She made us so perfectly for one another that she couldn’t separate us. Some would say it is a curse to be with the same woman for all eternity. We call it a blessing. We already know each other, so we are free to experience the time we are in. We are free to experience it, record it, enjoy it, or do something about it together.
When I think about the years she and I have shared, my head spins and my heart swells. I know I wouldn’t change any of it. I hate to imagine if we had never met thousands of years ago. Would I be sitting here now waiting for her?
I’m wearing my hair the way I know she likes it when I am born the woman I am this time. I’m wearing the colors and clothes that I know highlight what she loves about my muscular body, about me. I’ve done all I can to draw her to me when she sees me. Of course I will know her immediately.
I yearn for her touch, to hear her voice, to smell her sex, and to taste her. I’ve lived 30 years in this life in anticipation of this moment. I need her to look into my eyes, so my soul will be quenched of this burning desire. She is what keeps me sane in an insane world, knowing I will be with her again.
Oh Goddess, here she comes! Once she looks into my eyes she will know. Her eyes, oh yes, her eyes!
“Hello my beloved. I’ve missed you.”
“Hey baby. I missed you too.”
She is always…
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