by
Chase McElroy
_____Waiting. Fuck. I'm always waiting on something or someone. She made me wait. At first I didn't mind waiting because when the waiting was over, we could be together. I eventually got tired of waiting. I got tired of waiting on her to call me. I got tired of waiting to see her. I got tired of waiting on her to end it with her girlfriend. I got tired of her waiting on her girlfriend.
_____Well, I couldn't wait anymore. I ended things with her last night. I told her exactly what I was feeling and what needed to be done. I told her, "As you know, I've fallen in love with you and I think you feel the same way about be. Lately I feel like all I'm doing is waiting to be with you. No, it's not all about sex. I just wanted to be with you, be near you, and be in your presence. I would like to think that you want to give me your time, but I finally realized that you honestly couldn't do that. With that being said, I feel that it would be better if we didn't see or talk to each other anymore."
_____I waited for her response. Fuck, more waiting. She finally said, "I feel like you're not being honest with me. This has something to do with the fact that I spent time with my friend. Fuck Chase, I've known her for five years."
_____I told her that it wasn't about that but she wasn't buying it.
_____"It's not about that, Sharon."
_____"Yes it is. You're not being truthful with me."
_____"Honest, it's not about that at all. I want more but you can't give me that."
_____"Well, you knew that coming in Chase."
_____I fell silent. I knew she'd say that. It hurt. This time she waited on me to say something. I didn't say anything. I waited for her to say something. Anything. She finally did speak but it wasn't directly to me. She was going through the caller ID on her phone. She said that she was going to call Andrea and go pick up Kristi. Fuck. It's almost one in the morning and she's going to go wake up her sleeping child at this hour and bring her home? I didn't get that at all. I waited for her to say something else. I heard her talking to Andrea. I listened for a second and waited. More waiting. Again, I go tired of waiting.
_____I hung up.
_____I waited for a few seconds more. Well, the waiting is over because she and I are over. I figured that she'd call me today because she said hardly anything last night. I'm still waiting. I know she won't call. I mean why wait, right?
_____I'm waiting for her to tell me how she feels. I'll probably wait forever. She'll never admit to getting dumped by me. Shit. She'll go back to waiting on her girlfriend.
_____I'll just go back to waiting...

---

Arm's length. That's where she's keeping me. She's also got me waiting - again. I told myself that I wouldn't wait for her anymore, but after the news about my Dad's death, I only wanted to be comforted by her. I called her and we talked a couple of times through out the day. She asked me if I wanted to come over later. I refused. Later on, my yearning to see her was overwhelming. I got in my car and started heading southbound on 85. I called her and asked if I could come over. She said yes.
_____When I got there she hugged me like she didn't want to let go. I returned the hug with the same intensity. We talked about my Dad. We talked about other things. We eventually talked about the way I broke things off with her less than 24 hours prior to last night's visit. She'll never admit it but I hurt her feelings. I meant to do it and I didn't mean to do it.
_____Arm's length. As the evening passed on, we hugged a few more times. I needed to feel her and she needed to feel me.
_____"Remember what you said, Chase? I thought you didn't want to see me anymore?"
_____"I felt that way and I still do, I think... I'm so confused... I'm not looking for sex, I just want to be near you, be in your presence."
_____"Right..."
_____Nothing was said for a while. I started thinking about how I broke things off with her and the confusing feelings I was having right then.
_____"Share, Chase."
_____"It's nothing, no big deal."
_____It was a very big deal. All I wanted to do was be with her. Make love to her. Fuck her. The feeling was very intense. I can't remember wanting someone this much. I asked for a glass of water. She got it for me and I followed her to the kitchen. I stood behind and kissed her on the back of the neck. She didn't stop me. I didn't want to stop. After a couple of minutes she pulled away from me.
_____Arm's length.
_____A friend of hers came over. That friend spent almost her entire time there outside on the phone. No complaints here. After about an hour, that friend left.
_____I asked for more water. Again, she got up and got it for me and I followed her to the kitchen. I stood behind her again. This time she ground her backside into me. The electricity that went through me at that moment was unbelievable! She pulled away from me. FUCK! Arm's length. Again.
_____We went back to the living room. My hormones were raging. I told her that I needed to leave. She knew I couldn't handle it. She asked me what I wanted. I told her that I wanted her to straddle my lap. She sat on my lap and that's where it all started. The passion and the heat between us was incredible. I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted her to fuck me. I felt like a teenager
_____We went to her bedroom. I gently pushed her down on the bed.
_____"Damn Chase. So aggressive," she smiled up at me. I wanted to push her harder but that's not in my sexual make-up.
_____I pulled her panties off and got on top her. I was still fully dressed, boots and all. We dry humped for a bit. Damn, she felt so good underneath me. I pushed up her t-shirt and kissed my way down her body. She told me she missed me. She told me she wanted me. She told me how gentle I was. She told me she missed me again. I started licking her pussy. Damn, she tastes so good. I could go down on her for hours.
_____She came. Hard. I was on top of her, kissing her, when a wave of emotion washed over me. I'm not sure if it was love, lust, sadness about my Dad, or a combination of all of them. I started to cry.
_____"It's ok baby. I'm here."
_____I pulled my face from her hands and rested my head on her abdomen. She pulled her hands away from me. She wasn't sure what to do. The feelings were love and regret. I love her. I regret that we ended up in bed again.
_____"Hold me."
_____She held me and gently kissed the back of my neck. I felt safe. She told me that it's ok. She told me to let it out. I stopped crying. I couldn't let her in that far. She was already in. I wanted her inside my mind, my heart, and my body. She spooned behind me. The heat between us was still intense. Both of us were soaked in sweat. I wanted to lay there with her forever.
_____She heard her daughter get up. She got up to make sure everything was ok. I went back to the living room. She joined me a few minutes later.
_____2:34 in the morning.
_____I told her I needed to go. We kissed some more. I grabbed her hand and put it on the front of my crotch. She groped me through my jeans. I undid my belt, unzipped my jeans and guided her hand inside my boxer briefs. I was wet. She felt my wetness and the passion was mounting between us again. She stopped for a moment.
_____"I thought you didn't like to be touched while you had your period."
_____"I'm almost done. I'll be finished in a day or two... Don't stop touching me..."
_____She melted at the sound of my voice. It was husky and thick with lust.
_____"I don't like oral sex when I have my period... I'm not leaving here with 'blue balls'. So finish this."
_____We laughed. She pulled her hand out of my boxer briefs. I quickly replaced it with my own.
_____"Just talk dirty to me while I take care of this."
_____She talked to me and kissed me on my neck. I was so close. She pulled away.
_____"Why did you stop? Is this too juvenile for you?"
_____I laughed at what I said to her. She thought it was funny too.
_____"I've got a lot too learn about you, Chase. Your sexual habits, that is."
_____"No, you mean my masturbation habits, right?"
_____"I guess you can say that."
_____"I'm 34 now and I've been a masturbation machine since I was twelve. It doesn't matter how much or how little sex I'm getting, I ALWAYS make time for it. It's part of my sex drive."
_____"I see."
_____2:55 in the morning.
_____"Call me when you get home."
_____"I will..."
_____I drove home thinking about her all the way. A 'Slow Jams' mix was in my CD player. If you love me, say it. If you trust me, do it. If you want me, show it. If you need me, prove it. I listened to that song the entire way home.
_____3:05 in the morning.
_____Home. Beep. "Hey, I just wanted to make sure you got home ok. Call me when you get there." I couldn't stop smiling.
_____I called her. "Hey, you couldn't wait until I got home?"
_____"I was just thinking about you."
_____"Me too."
_____"I can smell you on me. I can smell you on my hands."
_____Silence. I know she's smiling. I'm smiling too.
_____"Are you still there?"
_____"Yeah... It's been a while since someone has said that to me."
_____"I see." I'm still smiling.
_____"It's late. Get some rest."
_____"Ok."
_____"Chase?"
_____"Yes?"
_____"I do love you."
_____"I love you too."
_____
The next day. 2:45 in the afternoon.
_____"I'm sorry I'm late. There was an accident on 85 southbound."
_____We ate and she talked.
_____"Share, Chase."
_____"It's nothing."
_____"You have some serious issues yo have to work out."
_____"Why? Because I'm upset that my Dad died and I don't want to talk about it?"
_____"You shouldn't hold everything in."
_____"I know."
_____"We need to talk about Sunday night... I thought you didn't want to see me anymore?"
_____"I didn't."
_____"What changed?"
_____"I'm not sure."
_____I smile at her. She smiles back.
_____"You are such a sweet person, Chase."
_____"Don't forget incredibly cute and charming."
_____"Yes you are that."
_____"And great in bed."
_____She smiled.
_____"You can't solve everything with sex."
_____"I know that."
_____"You need to talk about things. You can't hold your feelings in forever."
_____Changing the subject.
_____"So, do you want to go for a walk in the park after we're done?"
_____"No. You need to go home and get some rest, Chase"
_____Arm's length again.
_____"I'm not tired. I can't sleep. Why lie in bed and not sleep? Can I see you later?"
_____"You need some rest Chase. You have a lot to do before you go out to California for you're Dad's funeral."
_____"Sure."
_____"You're mad?"
_____Fuming.
_____"No... I'll go home and get some rest... Miss, can we get the check?"
_____Arm's length. Fuck.
_____I paid and we left.
_____We sat in her car for a moment.
_____"I'll call you later."
_____"Ok. Are you going to Open Mike later?"
_____"I don't know. I need some rest too. It's pretty late in the day. I think I have just enough time to get down the highway and pick up my daughter from day care."
_____"Ok."
_____I kissed her. I kissed her again.
_____4:06 in the afternoon.
_____I called her from my car.
_____"Hey."
_____"Hey."
_____"I love you."
_____Silence on her end.
_____Arm's length. Goddamn it.
_____"Chase... You hate being alone, don't you?"
_____"Of course I hate it. Who likes to be alone? Sure, I live alone. But that's different."
_____"You really need to talk about things with someone."
_____She's pushing me away.
_____"I am. I have an appointment tomorrow at noon."
_____"Good."
_____"Can I see you later?"
_____"I'll call you."
_____9:50 in the evening.
_____I've called her twice. Once at home and once on her cell. No answer on either.
_____Arm's length. Fuck.
_____THE END
_____Copyright © 2002. Used by permission of author. All Rights Reserved.