_____ by Rebecca Strait

you wonder why I left?
it's because I feared rejection
you slamming the door in my face
and shouting words that bite
and eat me to the core...
i left you because I couldn't face my self
or admit the truth
about how much i loved you, needed you,
wanted you, and fantasized us being together...
i left because i never felt this way before
and feared if i told you, you'd laugh
sever the friendship and call me insane, a freak,
or even "gay."
I left you because i wanted to leave you
untouched, clean, happy
just as I first met you, before I "came"...
I wanted to leave no trace of me
no scar, imprint, or touch on your heart...
I didn't want you to yearn for and desire this too
because i might have been so afraid
if you yielded and said "yes..."

Copyright © 2000. Used by permission of author. All Rights Reserved.