by Renee Clayton

Keep feeling like I'm being chased and I want desperately not to be caught this time as sweet as it is to be apprehended/caught/hunted down by you cant give in the sweetness would only be followed by the bitterness of an endless cycle of angst at the reality of not having you not possessing you in the way that you crave not possessing you in that way that occupies the dreams keeping me from restful sleep.

The dreams trick me nightly into believing that you are here in my bed I'm feeling the warmth of you the tremble in my heart as I watch you sleep the gentle madness that overtakes me when I'm deep inside you and these dreams dutifully vow that here is where you belong but the sleeping me remains painfully aware of what is real and agonizes every second that the dreaming me indulges in the blinding pleasures offered only by you sometimes the dreams mock my foolishness at having thought I could settle for sharing you and loving you on a smaller scale and just as quickly they accuse me of the most heinous cowardice for not whisking you away to destinations unknown to live out our forever

At other times the Keeper of my dreams has mercy on me and is kind enough to provide me with a backdrop that is fitting for my unexplainable sadness oh but what a wicked mercy it is these dreams are not so kind when I think about it they are really the most wretched of all because you are painfully absent from them

So even in my dreams it is better to have you and be torn then to not have you at all.

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