by Lisa Mamou_____A friend has invited me to a poetry slam at her local community center. The poetess who has just left the stage, Conchita Alvarez, has taken me on an emotional roller coaster. Her words of love, disappointment, renewal...have touched my soul. I am amazed. Amazed not just by the depths which this womon has reached me, but because I know her. Connie, Connie from the local market. Her family owns the corner store down the street from my house. I go in there at least three times a week. Always on the premise I forgot to pick something up, but really just to see her. She always speaks and smiles. I mutter a few words, grab my stuff and go. I would have never imagined that the store Connie with her hair pulled back and catholic school manners could be Conchita Alvarez. Conchita with her hair tousled carelessly across her face. Conchita with the black jeans and spiked heels. Conchita with the Caribbean pepper sauce words. But this certainly is her. I have seen this womon in my dreams for the past five months, I would know her in any manifestation!
_____During the intermission, I decide to seek her out. "Connie, Conchita", I say to her strong broad back. She turns upon hearing someone call her nickname. For a second she looks at me with surprise, then she smiles. I smile in return. We stand speaking casually for a few minutes. She is warm and beautiful. The show resumes and we return to our seats. I am lost the rest of the program. My mind floats...I clap with the crowd. I feel eyes upon me and I turn. She stares at me openly and smiles. "Isn't she straight", I think. I am amazed, lost and confused.
_____When the program is over, I stand around for a few minutes talking with friends. I look for Conchita in the room, but do not see her. My heart drops. As I stand in the crowd, waiting to exit, I hear a whisper in my ear, "Goodnight." Then I feel a hand in my jacket pocket. I reach in and our fingers touch for a moment as mine enter and hers exit. The warmth surges through me. I jump as if I have been shocked. I pull out a note she has placed in my pocket "Brunch Sunday?" and her phone number. I am amazed, lost, confused and happy.
_____I wake up at five Saturday morning. I want to call her, but know it is way too early. I get up and dress, clean the house, and run a few errands. It is still only nine o'clock! I make myself wait until ten, then I give her a buzz. She has been up for hours as well. We talk for a while. It is a lazy Saturday for both of us. She admits to asking me to brunch Sunday because she didn't want to scare me off. I tell her I don't frighten easily. She invites me over for dinner that evening. I accept. We hang up the phone and I stand looking at the receiver. I am amazed, lost, confused, happy and scared.
_____I arrive at her door at the appointed hour. I have a bottle of cherry wine and a dozen yellow roses. Good thing Friday was payday. When she answers the door she is wearing a loose fitting pants suit. Her feet are bare and her hair is hanging loose and free. I imagine her on the beaches of Puerto Rico, not this concrete and stone island on which we live. I am still amazed that this is the same womon I see in the store. I enter her apartment and it is as warm as she is. There are colorful paintings, artwork and books everywhere. Her music collection covers almost a whole wall. The aroma that fills the room is wonderful. She takes me into the kitchen to show me the meal she is preparing. I offer to help, but she insists I sit. Before I am banished to the living room, Conchita has me help tie her apron. I'm sure she can do this without my assistance, but I am happy to help. I enjoy standing behind her, close enough to smell her hair. I like the feel of my hands on her waist. I want to linger, but I don't.
_____She has already set the table before I arrive, so when the meal is done she places it on the table. I get the job of lighting the candles and untying her apron. Conchita turns the lights off and we sit eating and talking by candlelight. When we are finished, I help her clear the table. We then grab the wine and glasses and sit on the couch. She has not turned the lights back on, so we sit in the shadows talking and drinking cherry wine. I am feeling warm and slightly drunk. Conchita begins to quote me poetry - hers and others. I lean my head back and relax.
_____I open my eyes. I am laying on the couch. My shoes and hose are off. I am covered with a blanket and a pillow is under my head. "I fell asleep!" I am amazed, lost, confused, happy, scared and embarrassed. I look at my watch. It is four am. I feel I should go, but I can't just sneak out. I go into Conchita's bedroom to take my leave. I stand in the doorway a minute watching her sleep. She is stretched across the bed laying on her stomach. I walk over, sit on the edge of the bed and touch her shoulder. She jumps. "I'm sorry I startled you."
_____"Huh..oh, that's okay."
_____"Well, umm I just wanted to apologize for falling asleep. I don't usually drink and I guess the wine..."
_____"You don't have to apologize."
_____"I ah, I ah just wanted to before I left."
_____"Leave? Its too early in the morning for you to be out on the streets. And its too early to argue about it. You should come back to bed."
_____"Are you sure?"
_____"I'm sure."
_____"Okay, thanks." I get up to go back to the couch.
_____"Umm, I said to bed not couch."
_____"You mean with you?"
_____"Uh huh."
_____"I don't have any pajamas."
_____"I think that'll be fine." I remove my clothes. She has shifted back to her stomach, but I know she is watching. When I get to my bra and panties I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if this is an offer to simply share a bed or what? I leave them on. "It won't bother you sleeping in a bra?"
_____"I don't won't to make you uncomfortable..."
_____"I'm not. Take it off." I do as she says. She is still on her stomach sprawled across the bed. As I lift the covers, she moves over slightly giving me just enough room to get in. I feel her breath upon my neck as she whispers "Mmmmm...now I can't go back to sleep."
_____"I'm sorry."
_____"Don't be." Conchita leans in and begins to caress my neck. By the time the sun rises, I am no longer confused, scared or embarrassed. But I still am very amazed, happy and lost!
