Alone in the darkness of my quarters my mind is
reliving the scene of a few nights ago. I can feel my Mistress's body beneath me. I can feel her voice,
raspy and sexual, in my ear. "Fuck, Nigger. That's what I bought you for."
With little if any mechanical aid I cum. My orgasm is sudden, and powerful. For a brief second I am exhausted and happy. But in only a moment there is a little voice creeping into the back of my consciousness (You shouldn't be turned on to the word NIGGER).
IS THAT LITTLE VOICE RIGHT? Let me get those incorrect thoughts out of my head.
A few days later I was listening to an audio tape of a scene my lady and I had recently done together. The playback brought to my mind's eye all of the erotic images that were part of our encounter. I could see her as she was, standing over my shackled and naked body. The black uniform she wore accented her perfect figure. The double lightning bolts on her collar, the red band on her arm and the regalia of the "Totenkampf Verbena" in German on her sleeve brought fear to my mind and throbbing to my clit.
I can't help the fact that nice black Jewish girls shouldn't have Nazi fantasies. I DO! Not only do I have politically incorrect fantasies, I've acted many of them out. Even worse, I've enjoyed them. They have tripped my trigger, gotten my rocks off, made me cum. Isn't that what sex is all about?
When I first tried to write this article I was having a lot of trouble with it. Sure, my Mistress and I play with ethnic stereotypes. At times we don't just play with them, we stomp all over them. Those experiences, however, didn't make focusing my thoughts on this topic any easier. I wasn't sure how to proceed, or even what direction to take with such a sensitive and controversial subject.
A few nights later I was discussing my dilemma with some friends. A lively round robin quickly turned into an open exchange of really hot racial fantasies. "Great," I thought, "this could be a lot of help." I started to talk about the incredible S.S. fantasy that Mir and I had played out, and the conversation came to a screeching halt. My friends suddenly turned into the Sex Police. The berating barrage of "How could you actually do that" and "You must be kidding" coupled with "Are you nuts. Don't you have more pride than that?" was more than I could take.
I LOST IT!!!!!!
I was screaming at the top of my lungs to be heard. No matter what I said someone always came up with a new reason that their FANTASY was OK but my turning fantasy into REALITY, even my own private reality, was not.
It was everything I could do to calm this lynch mob. With tempers and emotions finally in check, I was feeling safe enough to try to redirect this now volatile conversation. I asked one member of the group how he, being half Sioux and half Apache could play cowboy and Indian games with his blond haired Custer look alike lover? "That's different," I was told, "besides, I'm the top." All I could bring myself to say was, "Yeah, right!"
For the first time in over an hour there was silence. Being an opportunist I continued. "Kahdir, your background is Bedouin, and wealthy at that. Can you honestly tell me that you've never imagined that the lover you also call slave came from the flesh markets of Cairo?" The look that passed between them told me everything I needed to know.
"I wear my chains with pride and love," his slave said in defense. "Yes you do," I replied, "but you also wear black leather harem pants and arm bands. You look like a kinky Jinn (male genie)." Why isn't anyone here willing to be honest with me? Am I the only one willing to shout out loud that I like certain Ethnic play?"
Well folks, the flood gates opened and the conversation got honest. Over the next two hours a lot of sharing was done and a lot of good points were made pro and con. One statement that kept coming up made me stop and think. It was "YOUR FANTASY MAY BE MY REALITY." I asked for clarification. By way of explanation I was told, "I come from the South. I have an absolute loathing for the word Nigger. It just pushes all the wrong buttons in me. I don't want to hear it in a scene."
I understood his point, but I also know that in scenes this black man calls his black slave BOY. I brought that up. His only response was, "It's an emotional thing."
Indeed, emotions seem to be the point where fantasy and reality blur, or even change places. The dynamic of the games we play is highly charged with energy and emotion. It's the exchange of this mix that sends the people involved soaring to new psychosexual heights. That trigger point is different for each individual, and so is the method used to trip that trigger.
Some may find an ethnic slur or scene humiliating and walk away. Others may find the same word or words exhilarating or empowering. Both are right. We each set the parameters for our own sexuality. This writer only has a problem when someone else wants to set my parameters, and by standards other than my own.
I know the reality of the not to distant past when the cavalry tortured Native Americans, the Nazis exterminated Jews, and masters oppressed and slaughtered slaves. BUT ... that's the REALITY. Leather is an eroticized FANTASY, and in that fantasy I can have it any way I want. That includes ignoring history altogether if that is the wish of myself and my partner. Even my own REALITY doesn't have to intrude on my FANTASY if I don't want it to.
As a tribe we have come to accept the slave-master relationship, while ignoring (for the most part) its racial origin. To quote Graylin Thornton, International Mr. Drummer, and his editorial for Drummer Magazine, "No longer is slavery an issue of pigmentation, but a matter of self-fulfillment. The brutality of the chains of the past are broken and replaced by the deepest forms of eroticism and respect."
In this case we have left reality on the other side of the leather door. In no way have we down-played the historic bitterness of the past; we have just chosen to keep it in perspective, and outside of the scene. Those who, for personal reasons, can't play slave scenes, just don't play slave scenes.
What about all the other ethnocentric leather games we play? Even cop and speeder takes on ethnic connotations if the fantasy place is the South. Why is it that the leather community will tolerate master-slave, but scowls at other racial or ethnic games? Why is it that the choices made between safe, sane, and consensual partners can't be applauded by other tribal members? Why is it that we, as Leathermen and women of color, can't accept the possibility that to some of us, Nigger may be empowering?
Many more people play with stereotypes than are willing to talk honestly about them. Is it fear of admitting interest? Is it fear of condemnation? Perhaps both. Maybe we should KEEP THEIR REALITY OUT OF OTHER'S FANTASY.
Any fantasy, particularly those involving stereotypes, is going to step on somebody's reality. Everyone is sensitive to, or about something. But the "I'm OK but you're not" attitude has got to be put to rest. Before you know it we may have, or need, a scale of offensiveness.
Example, my fantasy is only a three on the scale, so that's OK. I consider your fantasy an eight, so YOU CAN'T PLAY.
Scary isn't it.
Rather than condemn a type of play that is not your thing, walk away or appreciate the dynamic between the players. If we start to criticize anything that doesn't fit our own particular standard soon no play will be safe.
Used by permission of author. All Rights Reserved.