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Angela R. Harvey

When we argue, my girlfriend brings up hurtful things from my past. I was open and honest with her about everything and she uses it against me. So now, I donít tell her anything about how I feel and that upsets her. What am I supposed to do?

You must first tell her how deeply she is hurting you when she brings up these things. The both of you must also look into the source of such abuse. If she is continuing to bring these things up it means that she isnít OK with them and truly holds them against you. You cannot build a relationship on a foundation that is weak and here continued disregard to your feeling and emotional abuse (that is what it is) weakens the foundation of your entire relationship.

If after telling her your honest and true feelings about the subject you both need to have a talk about why she feels the need to bring these things up. Then you will need to work on reducing the resentment you probably have in order to begin to open up to her again. Iím a strong advocate of not remaining in a relationship where you are being abused in any way. You will need to assess the situation yourself if things donít change after your discuss your feelings with her.

When someone has to continually bring up your past (in a negative way) or use past issues against you and the relationship they also have some soul searching to do. The need to look at themselves, their ability to maintain a healthy relationship and their ability to love you as you want to be loved.

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