"What are you?"

This fine woman came up to me in the library and said, ďCan I ask you a question?Ē
"Sure sweetheart, fire away."
ďAre you a tomboy or a lesbian?Ē
I smiled and said, ďDepends on what day it is. I am both. Are you?Ē
ďNo but I was just curious,Ē she said before she walked away.

That experience made me wonder what they think of me as I walk past. Smooth swagger, cap on backwards, roomy khaki pants, boyish shirt and a roomy jacket that conceals my breasts. I see them stare and whisper to their consorts, ďIs that a woman, and if so what is she doing?Ē

Donít they know that Iím proud to be who I am and I wear it everyday. I sing it silently and sometimes aloud, ďIím a lesbian, African American Indian and Iím proud.Ē Sometimes my woman is at my side and oh the pride in my eyes as I watch her glide past and watch the sway of her ass saying to myself, ďThatís mine.Ē I know that they sit and stare amazed at how beautiful she is although she is with me and not a man. Normal life is for those who want rules and listless passion, me I want a real, authentic passionate love, one that will last for a lifetime.

I didnít ask to be gay, I donít know anyone who has, well I take that back I had a girl to ask me to make her gay once, as if I could. Turn her out, yes but not turn her gay. Itís been a struggle being me. I notice the stares and the side glances as I go about my business. Sometimes it bothers me and other times I put on a show. I wink or lick my lips as I walk by noting the sly grin or disdain on their faces. It hurts but then pain can be pleasure if itís inflicted right. I enjoy a challenge but I wonít conform to their definition of normal. Hell I am normal and loving my woman is normal, comfortable and sweet to me. I enjoy being me it has it perks. The smell of she drives me crazy and her moans while Iím making love to her drive me insane and the neighbors batty.

So asking me to turn in my same gender-loving card is a no no. I could never be with a man, I donít hate them or not like them. I applaud them when they do the right thing but I also warn them that to slip up is dangerous and not safe. For thereís always a ďmeĒ waiting in the wings.

Iím not your normal butch or stud, on the contrary Iím a beautiful Creole goddess when I decide to surprise the same people I walk by on a daily basis. Some donít recognize me and some of them talk about me to me. Thatís funny cause they donít recognize me until I lick my lips and walk away. Iím sassy, bold, brash and shy depending on the place and the time but Iím a lesbian 24/7, 365 even on my ďredĒ days.

Enough about me, tell me what itís like being a heterosexual woman. I tried but I used men for sex which wasnít nice but thatís what they were good for to me. I think in their own way they enjoyed the no strings attached clause. So thatís a brief picture of me, roomy khaki pants, boyish shirt and a roomy jacket that conceals my breasts, same gender-loving woman.

Copyright © 2002. Used with author's permission.

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