This is article was originally published in ELOQUENT FURY

Alicia Banks

I adore my mom, Laura Delores Strong-Banks. She is my best friend, my idol, and the world’s greatest mom. She is my greatest inspiration and has always given me the most unconditional love I have ever known.

She is an ideal mom. I could always talk to her about anything. She always responded honestly, sincerely, and intellectually. Even most of my childhood friends regarded her as a private confidante and therapist.

Today, she is a revered school teacher. And, her students love her as all my friends do. Mom has those special gifts of divine wisdom and angelic love for everyone.

We have so much in common, yet we are different. She is a Capricorn and I am a Leo. She is not as militant as I, but we both share a sacred love for African people. She is not as fiery as I, but we are both strong warriors.

I cherish the superior character that my mother has nurtured within me. As I mature and meet people, I find most persons lack any modicum of character. It is painfully burdensome to be a decent person in an indecent world. I  regret one decent quality particularly...

My mother taught me to have sex only with people I love. In  an ideal world, that behavior would be a virtue. But in this evil real world, it is a CURSE.

Monogamy seems dead. My generation reveres casual sex the way our elders revered the end of Jim Crow laws. I am 34. I exist as a wounded lover in a sea of whores.

FAR TOO MANY men and women today use sex as a weapon. A dirty secret to play behind the backs of lovers/spouses. A physical game to win material prizes. A stress release. A freaky way to avoid boredom etc.....

Most people treat sex like a cold virus. They “catch feelings” for anyone who triggers their lustful libido. These feelings last until anyone else appealing comes into view. They equate love with lust.

Janet Jackson has a great song called “What About” on her CD “The Velvet Rope”. I quote: “What about all the *hit you’ve done to me?...What about the times you lied to me?...What about the times you said no one would want me?...What about the times I cried you wouldn’t even hold me?...What about the times you hit my face?... What about the times when you kept on when I said “no more please”?...What about the times you shamed me?...What about the times you said you didn’t *uck her she only gave you head...” (Try that last line on YOUR lover if he/she ever catches you in a compromising position...)

Ever notice how the players who say “She/he meant nothing to was just sex,” are the same persons who REFUSE to accept that SAME WEAK line when THEY are being played? Suddenly they understand exactly how pain and betrayal are ALWAYS something when they happen to YOU. Whores are always hypocrites.

Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, yet we work harder on our cars and computers than we do on our love relationships. Trouble in paradise? Head for a strip club NOW!

If we dent our cars, we overlook it or sacrifice the cost of a repair. If our computers’ hard drives crash, we toil to repair them and restore all the lost data. But, if our lovers/spouses gain weight or lose an erection, WE ARE GONE! At least for one hot night at a hotel with a strange new thinner/harder piece...

I really thought that AIDS would make the world a kinder, gentler place for fragile, monogamous souls like me.  I thought toxic sex would be so scary that people would become monogamous by default. I thought whoring would be less popular when it led to funerals.

But I was wrong. Some people used more condoms for safer cheating. Some became more obsessed with porno for safer vicarious hedonism. But the casual sex trains kept rolling along. Some never even slowed their speed.

There is no such thing as “casual sex” for me. Likewise, it is the only sex that most other persons know. Most homosexuals seem especially BUCK WILD!!! I am not gaybashing. Everyone knows that heterosexual men are the champions of lechery worldwide. Overwhelmingly, heterosexual men have statistically dominated the world as rapists, pedophiles, porno peddlers, and hedonistic tricks, globally. But as a lesbian, I know FAR TOO MANY homosexuals who make no effort to form any kind of loving sexual relationships.

Like their heterosexual clones, homosexual hedonists use many sorry excuses to justify their repulsive lives:

All of these bogus excuses to be whore actually make me want to vomit the blood from my bleeding heart.

Nothing is more pathetic than an old gray whore. Too old to game. Too broken to pull. Too used to claim.

I will always believe that all love is divine and that all sex should be sacred. It is impossible to share sacred sex with a stranger, in 24 hours or "9 1/2 weeks"...

I would rather be lonely than be a whore or love a whore. I would rather be celibate than be infected with any STDs. I will never cherish quantity more than quality. Sometimes, briefly, I do wish I could be a whore like most everyone else. My heart would ache a lot less if I could have casual sex too.

I will never stop searching for my soulmate. I hope I am blessed to find her someday. I hope my wounded heart holds out until I find that cross between Pam Grier and Janet Jackson...

Copyright © 1998

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