Different Women, Same Ending
In the beginning everyone promises to be different and better than the last. They promise not to lie. They promise they won't cheat. They promise they will tell you everything and communicate with you. Everyone has good intentions with your heart at the start. They capture you with the way they kiss, the way they talk to you in your ears, or the way they look in your eyes and try to find their spot in your soul. When your wall is up they have a way of comforting you while every brick of pain crumbles to their touch and smile of re-assurance. You start to give yourself more than the last one because you vow that things will be different too. You want that fresh start, you need that fresh start. You do things that you never did before and don't understand why. You fall in love and everything ends the moment you say the words "I love you."
The promises start to become empty. Your eyes that they stared into now cries because that spot they looked for in your soul is in the same positions as the others, full of pain. Everything you let go from your past is suddenly at the top of the surface replaying in the present. The lies are apparent, the cheating is known and the communication is gone. You don't even know what to do because you are back where you were. No new beginning, just another chapter added into your heartbreak of stories. You question what you did wrong because everyone can't be the same. It has to be something you did for everyone to stray and lie to you. You get left alone with no consideration like you were the puppy from the rain. Your brain runs through thoughts more and more and the walls talk louder and louder.
In the end you walk the earth like you are dead to the world. Everyone sees you but doesn't know that you are emotionally broken inside. Yeah you have been here before but every time its worst than the last. What to do now? I've tried to answer that for years after my heart's been broken and my soul has been lied too. Say goodbye? Nah, it makes things worst. Stay? Nah, it makes you look like a fool. Run? Everything catches up with you. Work it out? Everything happens all over again even when you say everything from the heart. I wish someone would tell me. It's another chapter to the different women, same ending life of enchanted.
Copyright © 2005. Used with author's permission.
Return to Personal Essay Index.