My life has been full of women. They come and they go, never staying long. I was told I would find the 'one', but I would never have her. The way we meet was online in a blk gay chat room. Conversation was great. I was flirting like hell! I mean being I'm single, why can't I. I figured what the hell after a couple of weeks of e-mails and chat, why not a phone conversation? I gave her my number one day while we where in chat and she asked when to call. I told her right now, I was ready to hear what she sounded like. She called and it was heaven. She had this sweet, sexy voice. I knew I wanted to hear it everyday.

We talked for awhile but she was at work and had to go. She said she wanted to see me. I had her all excited and wondering what I looked like and things. I sent her pics through the mail as well as she did. We set a date for me to arrive in her town. I caught the greyhound and a day 18hrs and 31mins later I was there. Sitting at the bus station waiting on her. My heart pounding not knowing what to think or do. When she walked through the door my heart stopped, my mouth open. I was like "damn she is fine and cute as hell." Seduction and confidence in her walk. She had this smile on her face. One that could melt ice.

When she hugged me i started breathing again. As we left the bus station I just couldn't believe I was here, with her. The weekend we spent together was like no other. All my fantasies, things I've never done, things I wouldn't do, damn I did with her. I gave her this ring. Now this ring was not just A ring, but one I bought for that special 'one' and I knew it was her. I told myself I would give this ring to the one who got my heart and changed my life and I did. She told me she would think about it, I said ok.

When I left my heart broke. I didnt want to, if I could I would have stayed, but I didnt want her to think I was trying to get over on her. I fell in love. Something I told myself I would never do,but it happened. After I got back home my whole world fucked up. I was getting pissed everyday, my family on my ass everyday, and to top it all off I was depressed, but I tried to hide it. Though somedays I couldn't. Suffering with bi-polar depression and having negativity in your life is not a good combonation. Well I guess she just got tired of the sadness, I don't know. I would call just to hear her voice, but I guess that was annoying. It was like her voice would just make my day better, but she never said the right words. Then I got the letter, "I love you but".....I knew it. I had known it for sometime, I just didnt want to realize it. I love her, I still do. She captured a deep part of me. She changed my life in so many ways, but I knew I could never have her. She was the 'one'.

Love hurts and you learn to go on, but a part of you stays. Right there where the love is and she stays on your mind. Whether its a place you see, something you see, something you smell, a song your hear, or someones voice you hear, something reminds you of her. So I am still stuck and forever will be. I wish her the love and happiness she couldn't find with me. I would rather have her happy with someone than not happy with me. Now thats true love.


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