_____The mixture of strawberries and papaya was delectable. With just a dash of Korbel Chardonnay Champagne, the fruit lent an air of decadence to the scene in the bedroom. She had gone out of her way to make up. A bouquet of roses sent anonymously to my job; mysterious phone messages left on my cell; then the crowning glory, a trail of rose petals leading to our bedroom. First of all, we had had a falling out two days ago. Her testosterone levels wouldnít allow her to relent. Instead, I ended up with hurt feelings and misunderstood emotions. It wasnít enough to end the relationship, but it damn sure made me question it. But now, she wasnít playing fair. Cheryl knew how to get to my heart. She knew what made me tick. Even though there was this wall that wouldnít let me come any closer. I accepted this piece of her in the whole order of things. Knowing full well that it would always be the thorn in my side.
_____Make-up sex is always the best sex in the world. Her powers of seduction were as strong as ever. Playing a new CD from R&B group Kindred The Family Soul, I allowed her to undress me with her eyes. She had a robe and pajamas on when I arrived. Candles were lit casting about fragrant honeysuckle in every room of the house. As she handed me a glass of wine in the cranberry-stemmed wineglasses I had given to her as a gift, I suddenly realized I was helpless within her realm of passion. I wanted to holler, argue and disagree, but her charm immobilized me. I found myself fighting my own weakness, but her kisses overwhelmed me as I felt myself fall into a dark hole of sexual passion.
_____She knew just what I needed, her 8-inch strap-on found its way to my waiting wetness. I loved it when she straddled me, climbing on top of me while simultaneously holding my hips. Cheryl always said my hips and ass were a thing of beauty. Sneaking a peek, occasionally, I would watch her as she thrust all 8 inches in me. Ecstasy defined her facial expressions as I categorized each in and out movement. I wanted her in every opening of my body. Feeling the depth of her love made me cum over and over as she rode me like a wild stallion. I whimpered out in passion as she found the deepness of my love like an explorer seeking new land. She had captured my heart again and made me her prisoner of love,
_____Our lovemaking went on into the early morning. It was Cherylís way of solidifying her place in my life. I knew a part of her was insecure in my femininity. Never wanting to let me know just how much in love with me she actually was Cheryl sheltered her heart as a matter of habit. Although I knew where her heart was, most people wouldnít understand our relationship. Many times I let her have free reign of my body and soul. She had never been faithful to me, and this was one of those things that I just accepted. Walking away from her wasnít an option, but more like a penalty as the bittersweetness of her passion conquered my thoughts and actions. Cheryl had awakened again and was attempted anal penetration.
_____Each time her 8-inch dick went into my ass, I wanted to scream. The pain felt so good, I didnít know whether to moan or cry. She had used a new lubricant called Anal-Eze; it mildly numbed my miniscule opening while accommodating her desires. I should have known better than to go to sleep on my side, it left my ass a willing target for whatever pleasures Cheryl wanted to do. Apparently, while I was asleep, she had fingered my ass with the Anal-Eze. Her finger didnít cause any pain, so I probably thought I was dreaming the pleasure I was feeling.
_____I moaned in sexual protest as the heat between my legs increased. Simultaneously she began stroking my clit, causing my body to writhe in wet ecstasy. I wanted her to stop the pleasure, stop the pain, but my mind was dancing in incomprehensible circles. The first orgasm was a clitoral one, as I squirted uncontrollably unto the sheets and down my thighs. Then my pussy joined the party as she removed her fingers from my clit and placed her hand on my hips. Holding me in place, I screamed and trembled as I felt the sticky sweet cream form puddles underneath our bodies.
_____The next morning my love joy throbbed with sensual pain. It was the soreness of multiple orgasms and unrelenting penetration. Even though I felt that my heart was tethered to hers, I knew in order to grow, I would have to make a decision about my life. Somehow, remaining indecisive was a safe haven for me. I didnít have to face the problems of reality. Nor did I have to address the issue of her wandering lust. Cheryl had carved her name in my heart and on my sex, I felt like I was being led around on a leash sometimes. The sad thing was, I actually enjoyed being led around. It was a perverted sickness that was causing me heartbreak daily. She insisted that she never wanted to be responsible for breaking my heart or hurting me, yet she did it on a consistent basis. Everytime I tried to leave, I gave myself a reason to stay. Leaving was going to prove to be the most painful thing I had every experienced.
_____A week had gone by since our wild makeup session. We hadnít talked about what got us there in the first place. Instead, as usual, I let bygones be bygones. Cheryl had been faithful for an entire week. However, each time I looked at her, I wanted to cry. I wanted to hate her, but love her. I wished that my love was strong enough to make her treat me right. But, it wasnít. The more I held on, the less I had.
_____Thatís probably what made our lovemaking so passionate, forbidden fruit. Just knowing that she would never be the lover I needed made me weak with desire. I was wanton in the protection of my heart, and I had learned a valuable lesson about love. My selfless giving had made me a target. Cheryl was a predator, just a woman who ended up possessing my soul and heart. I willingly gave my all to her. Her kindness, attentiveness to my needs caused me to respond lovingly. It took me some time to realize that it wasnít our time in life. We may have been a force to be reckoned with in some other time or place, but not right now. I was fighting nature like and uphill battle and losing. It was time for me to let go of her heart.
_____We both shared tears as I packed up my belongings and moved out. This was the darkest day of my life, yet I felt a sense of easiness. Maybe it was the anvil of love being removed from my heart. Or maybe it was the feeling of growth onto something new. She didnít want me to go, but she knew she was not ready to change either. In another time and place, I would have continued to hold on to the hope of a better day. But, the funny thing about age, is that it reassures you that itís ok to let go. Who knows, maybe we will find each other again, maybe not.
_____Today, we are the best of friends, occasionally taking short weekend trips together. Cheryl is not in a committed relationship, preferring not to let anyone in her space. I on the other hand have entered into an exclusive dating relationship with a wonderful woman I met while doing a photographing a semi-pro womenís football team. My new friend gives me enough space to let my soul exist in a private place. She knows about Cheryl, and has no intentions of coming between our friendship. I believe Carmen is confident enough with me to know that I am a one-woman girl. There are times however, when I wonder what if. What if Cheryl and I had of made a life together? That would have been the sexual storm of the century.
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