(Part 1)
Rayne T. Marzett

You got it you got it bad when
Your on the phone
You hang up and call right back
You got it, you got it bad when
When you miss a day without you friend
Your whole life's off track
You know you got it bad when you stuck in the house
You don't want to have fun
Cause all you think about
--Usher Raymond

Everyday we meet new people, so of them are passer buyers, and some are here for a moment. Most people would consider them to be reasons, seasons, and lifetimes. I wrote this after learning the hard lesson of which is which. The trick is to figure it out before it's too late. You sit around praying like hell that you'll get another chance. Sometimes you do and most times, you don't. Some might ask why is it so important to understand which is which? Well it all has to do with love I think.

Sometimes we find some one and think that we're going to be together forever, and that's not the case and we end up more hurt than necessary. See most of us don't get it until the relationship is over. If you understand the system than there are no hang ups and it's easier in the end. It's set up so that we get the most out of our relationships. It also keeps us from being used and abused, because we know what to expect. Once you master this system then you've pretty much figured out love, and that's what everyone is trying to do.

I have always enjoyed the company and companionship of many women. You might even say that I'm addicted to them. They are one drug that I can't just say no to. They just have to look at me a certain way, or whisper in my ear and I just have to do what they want. All of the women in my life have been treated with the utmost respect and tenderness. All treated as individuals having they every wish and desire met. And I can honestly say that I loved them all. I don't know why I have to be in several different relationships; it's just been that way every since I was about ten years old. In a way they all complete different sides of my personality. Each one is satisfied and pleased beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Some say, "Well how in hell do you do that?" It's simple really. I believe it is something that only a woman can do. Only a woman can tap into the very core of another woman and find her weakness, fear, and what makes her truly happy--how to get her to explore her true erotic side, and release it. A woman knows the limits of another. I'm not saying that a man couldn't do the very same thing, but would they really take the time out to do the research or would they just get enough to get them by? I don't know and don't pretend to. I only know what I do and know. I only know what works for me and my situations.

Every woman that I have loved has known that I am not totally hers and she is not mine. Only for short periods of time and in a single world that is created from the lust between us two have we belonged to each other. They are all happy with me giving myself to them for only a moment at a time, because they are well treated and satisfied. A real "player" knows how to find women that fit their ideal of how things should be. I don't consider myself a player at all. I'm just good with my hands I think, but my friends would say it's much more than that. I've learned a lot about how people should be treated and respected and I think I have it down to a science. It is when you find someone that doesn't know or care to fit the idea that you become caught or busted in the act. You may think that this is total bullshit, but I know what works for me.

I'm but a simple and humble lover of many women. But there are times when you find one with whom you care only to share you life, dreams, and bed. That one that makes everything float and get real sappy. It's amazing what the right one will do for and to you. First it's subtle changes that you might notice. Like doing something extra for her or picking her up a gift just because. Songs on you hear remind you of her or you lay in bed at night and watch her sleep for no odd reason.

Then there are big changes like staying home with her, just because all you want to do is feel her arms wrapped tightly around you. The best part is seeing beautiful women and thinking to your self that they can't hold a candle to your lady. At one point in time or another love takes its toll on us. And it is true what they say. When that Jones comes down it's a mothafucka. And there's nothing you can do about it or even care to.

The Reason

Not to long ago I was setting on the edge of my bed thinking about what I was going to wear on this business trip that I was taking later on that day. I packed my favorite power suit and some black slacks with a baby blue shirt. I was rummaging through my closet quietly as not to wake my sleeping guest to find a pair of dress shoes; when I decided to take a break. I had to go out on my patio to have a clove and some juice. The early afternoon sun was shining brightly but it wasn't hot. The kind of weather that makes you want to have a picnic in the park. We were having great weather for August and every chance I got I was trying to soak it up.

"Looks like it's going to be a beautiful day," I thought to myself as I thumbed through my address book. I was looking for someone to indulge in. As I flipped through the pages of women I took note of Chris the super freak, Angie the baddest ghetto girl of them all, and Deedre the island beauty. All of which would have satisfied my appetite, but Chris was seeing someone (which never mattered before), Angie is a bad intentions kind of girl (I really didn't need to be in jail or hiding from the law this trip), and Deedre always had an attitude when I left her bed. She would say that I was playing with her emotions. I was only looking for a good time not a hassle. So all of them were out of the question. Then I saw Nikki' number and decided I'd call her for a little playtime. She was quick on her feet, mean in the sheets, and she made me feel like Wonder Woman for some reason.

"Hey Nikki how are you doing?"

"Better now that I hear you voice. I can only assume since your calling me that you coming into town."

"You know me so well. What are you doing for the next couple of days?"

"Nothing much, I've got classes on Tuesday and Thursday. Why wassup?"

"I've got two meetings with some distributors and was wondering if you would like to have dinner and some dessert?"

"Sounds good. What time do you get in?"

"I'll be there about 7 this evening."

"All right see you then. Have a good day."

"You too."

Nikki was one of my best "friends". We had fun together and there were never any games because we both just wanted to have fun. Not like the others. I was beginning to feel as though ever one wanted a bigger piece of me for some reason. I felt like I was too young and I wasn't ready for a more serious relationship. I lit my clove and sunk down into the chair to fully enjoy the smoke running the course of my body making me light headed. I heard a noise coming from the living room. Must be Angel getting up. Before I could finish my clove she was standing in the patio door.

"Morning. How did you sleep?"

"Great, but I missed you next to me."

"My deepest apologies my lady. I had a couple of things to do before I leave and thought it best not to wake you. Can I interest you in some breakfast?"

"No, I'll just have some juice."

"Sounds good."

Angel and I met when we both attended Fisk University. It was at one of her dance recitals when I really took notice of her. She was extremely stunning. Watching her dance across the stage was pure poetry. Angle made every step seem like it was effortless. She is beauty and grace at it's best. After the recital I walked up to and introduced myself. She said that she knew who I was and that I stayed down the hall from her in the dorm. I invited her to dinner as a reward for her stellar performance, and she graciously accepted. We've been kickin' it ever since.

The absolute quintessence of a black queen--she was shy, smart, and had a personality that lit up the whole world. She knew how to make you seem like the most important person in the room. Angel was deep honey brown with matching eyes and a body to die for. Perfect breast that were round mounds of perky flesh. Thick hips and legs that went on and on. She was like between 5'10 and 6'0 feet tall. She would kiss the top of my head when she wanted to make me mad. Everything that made me weak. Even her hair which was long and sandy brown and always smelled like heaven. I can remember many a time when I would run my hands and tongue over her hard body. Sometimes I used to massage her legs after she did a performance or dance class, and I swear that I could feel ever move she made. Every leap, twirl, and pirouette that she had done that evening.

This morning was no different than any other she looked absolutely gorgeous. She as wearing one of my Oxford dress shirts and nothing else. Which is what she was usually wearing when she was at my house. She knew how that turned me on. But what was most sexy about her was the way that she would sit and discus what her passions were. What she called her "grown up dreams". The spark her eyes got when she talked about how she wanted to run the world some day. Or when she would seat curled up in my lounge chair doing some reading assignment for classes. She'd have her glasses on looking all educated and worldly. Just the sight of her made me wet, and I want to be around her all the time. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and told her to have a seat and I would get her some juice from the kitchen.

"What kind do you want?" I yelled from the kitchen.

"Apple and a muffin if you got any." I returned from the kitchen with a glass of apple juice and a chocolate chip muffin, and placed them in front of her. She gave me a thank-you pat on the ass and a kiss. "Do I get a goodbye fuck before you leave?"

"I thought that you might like to get some breakfast first before I began. You'll need the energy."

"I see." She laughed.

"Plus, I wanted to finish my clove. Taking a puff thinking when was the last time that I got smoke in my own house."

"I can't break your morning ritual for nothin' huh. I don't see how you can smoke those things. Don't you know they will kill you?"

She hated that I smoked but loved the sweet taste the cloves left on my lips. So when she spent the night I was forced to smoke on the patio. "That's right, I said giving her a sly smile."

"When will you be back in town?"

"In three days, why?"

Angel came over to me and took the clove out my hand and put it out in ashtray. Sitting in my lap she began kissing, running her tongue down my neck. I unbuttoned her shirt exposing those beautiful breasts. Diving in on her already hard nipples. Taking my time rolling them one at a time in my mouth. Her breathing was heavy and short. Sometimes I thought she was going to have an attack when we were making love. Angle ran her fingers through my short curls as I began to suck harder on her nipples. Moaning, and groaning softly in my ear I felt so hot that I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Angel turned slightly so that I could have full access to her body. I let my hand slip down between her legs to her warm and very wet pussy. I didn't have to massage her clit to long to make her cum. All I had to do was run my finger over the fine hair of her lips and she was thrusting her hips urging me inside of her. I sank one then two fingers into her moist opening. She moaned again this time louder and more often. I knew she was almost ready to cum so I pick up the pace a little. After a few minutes she was grinding hard on my hand squeezing her muscles to get more friction.

Angel's nectar covered my thigh as she began and finished her first orgasm. I asked her was she ready and she shook her head yes so I pick her up and laid her on the patio table. She opened her legs and I sank my tongue right into her. Making sure I was paying attention to every spot that I knew was going to get her going. Angel was trying to hold back but she couldn't help but ride my face as I started to suck her clit harder. Arching her back letting me know that she was cumin again. I eased up the pressure to make her beg for it. "Please don't stop baby." She said pushing my head further into her burning twat until I complied with her demand.

I wiggled my lips against her clit making her explode. I reached for Angels nipples and pinched them as she rode my tongue. I wasn't until I came up for air that I saw my neighbor watching us from his patio. He gave me a wink and a wave as if to say thanks for the show. I laughed but Angel was highly upset. She gave the neighbor the finger and called him a noisy mothafucka and went into the house. I grabbed the juice and muffin and went in behind her.

When I went into the room to change Angel was in the shower singing which she always did. This time I couldn't catch the tune. Something about love. Bad sign I thought. "What time are you leaving?" She yelled.

"In about an hour or so. Why?"

"I just wanted to know how much time I have to get ready that's all."

"Take as long as you like. I know that perfection takes time."

She chuckled as she stepped out of the shower. "I thought that your meetings where today."

"I have one today and two tomorrow."

"Ohh! Are you planning any extra activities?"

"Maybe. Why do you ask? You don't want the answer to the question."

"Chrystyen you know that I want you all to myself. When is it just going to be you and me?"

"I can't give you an answer to your question right now. I don't mean to disrespect you or anything to that affect, but it something that I need to work on. I need to make more time for you in my life. With this line and everything coming out I don't have time to give all of me right now. The day will come when I'm ready; I just hope that you'll be there for me to ask."

"Bullshit, and you know it."

We never had argument or yelling matches. I don't know what you call them, but we knew how each other felt when "it" was over. Plus that was one of the agreements that we made and that I make with everyone. There will be no yelling or fighting. If we have a problem with the other it can be discussed rationally and at a descent tone.

Every time she brought up our relationship I got a feeling in the pit of my stomach. All most like I was a wild animal being trapped. I had nowhere to run and every reason to. Being with Angel broke my number one rule. Never get involved or see a woman that doesn't want the same thing in a relationship that you want. At first she was going along with the agreement, but after a while she fell into a comfortable place with me and I should have stopped it after I noticed that. But I knew from the moment that I first meet her that she was needed in my life. It was like my soul cried out for her.

One thing is for sure though; I needed to do something about the situation quick, fast, and in a hurry. I was hurting her. I saw it in the way she looked at me when where having this same conversation and I saw no way to stop it. And now every time I went out of town or she didn't see me for a couple of days because I was working or she was in classes I would have to get questioned about where and with whom I have been with. There was one thing that I didn't want to do and that was to lose the trust she had in me. That was one of my most valued traits. I never misused trust or respect, and yet some how I was trippin badly.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed almost in tears. I slid into to my shirt and sat next to her and held her until she started to calm down some. I kissed her a told her that it was not my intention to hurt her and I would never do anything to jeopardize what we had. She seemed to be okay with that, but I knew she wanted more of an explanation from me on the subject. But she, nor I was the type to start a fight. I finished packing while she got dressed for class. She didn't say anything for a long while. She must be really upset, I thought. I hated when she wouldn't talk to me. She knew I was already feeling like a jerk, and her silence was adding to my condition. When she got like that I never said anything to her because I knew she didn't want to hear what I had to say.

About an hour later I was on my way out the door. "Angel do you want a ride back to campus or do you want to use the Jeep?"

"I'll just take the Jeep. I have some things I need to do before I head back to school."

"The keys are on the wall by the door and here is your key to the house and the garage."

I gave her a kiss and was out the door.

Part 2

Copyright © 2002. Used by permission of author. All Rights Reserved.

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