_____New Edition was the first band I really loved. I was about six when they came out. I can remember squeaking out the words to "Is This The End" right along with Ralph although I had no idea what the Hell I was singing about. It wasn't until "Can You Stand The Rain" that I realized what exactly "the end" was. I was eleven then. Now some twelve years later both songs echo in my head. Not because they're my favorite NE songs, but because they play a big part in the story of my love life. As I sit here alone in my bed listening to "Can You Stand The Rain" I reflect.
_____"Love Unconditional" The first two words to the second verse. Yes, my love for Tay was, is, and always will be unconditional. No matter how much shit we went through or how bad she hurt me, my love for her will never change. That's just the kind of hold Tay has on my heart. From the first day we met she captured me. Our first conversation took me on the most fantastic mental ride. It was fun but intellectual. Finally a real conversation. It was a pleasant break from the usual bullshit I was used to. Tay held my interest and I admired that. A true conversationalist. The fact that she was fine as I don't know what helped too. She was a deep chocolate complexion and as smooth as the silk boxers she wore. She was a little broader than myself and built. No one could wear a tank shirt like Tay. At five feet two inches, she was two inches shorter than me, but what she didn't have in height she more than made up for everywhere else.
_____When we made love, had sex, or just straight up fukked, Tay took me to places I had never been and damn sho didn't want to return from. She had love making down to a science and knew my body even better than I did. From the softest sukk of my nipples, to the pressure she used to likk my clit, to the depth and angle of her strap when it was in my pussy or my ass, Tay was amazing. But as time went on Tay was starting to become less and less like the Tay I had known in the beginning. What was once conversation was now arguments. When we weren't arguing we were either barely talking or just being completely silent. I guess just waiting for our next fight. We had a great way of fighting and then fukking. Hell, our after fight fukks were the best, but I was getting tired of fighting to fukk. We could very easily fukk without fighting first. At least that's how I felt...
_____"Storms Will Come For Sure." Storms huh? With us it was more like hurricanes and typhoons. I think it was the lack of communication. It could've been the fact that we both had terrible tempers. It could've been the mutual "fukk it" attitudes. I don't know. Maybe a combination of the three, but whatever it was it was fukked up. Usually we fought, fukked, and then talked. The storm would end and everything was all rainbows again. Unfortunately there was no way we could fukk our way though this last storm. Tay cheated on me.
_____ I came home early from work one afternoon to prepare a special dinner and set the mood for an at home night of romance. We had been going through a rough time and I wanted to ease the tension, talk things out, and get us back on track. How surprised do you think I was to find Tay's clothes all over the living room along with femme clothes that weren't mine? How mad and hurt do you think I was to hear the moans coming from my bedroom? And how betrayed do you think I was to see my stud's face buried in the pussy of what was supposed to be my best friend?
_____ I stood at the side of the door with about a hundred different reactions racing through my head. I finally decided on one. I quietly moved away from the door and gathered Nya's clothes. I brought them into the kitchen and politely shredded them with the biggest knife I could find. I took the pitcher of water out of the refrigerator and walked back to the bedroom. By this time Tay was eight inches deep inside Nya with the same strap she used on me. They were so into the grimy shit they were doing that they didn't even know I had walked into the room. Well once that cold ass water washed over their funky asses they knew I was there.
_____"Oh my God Asha!! What the fukk is wrong with you?" Tay yelled.
Nya just layed there dumbstruck trying to cover up as if I never seen her tryfalin ass naked before. I glared at both of them.
_____"What the fukk is wrong with me? You're in my bed fukkin' what was my best friend and you have the audacity to ask what the fukk is wrong with me? You are one funny nigga and I suggest you detatch your fukkin' funny ass from that skanky ass bitch so she can get the fukk out before I tear her ass." I said.
I wasn't yelling. I don't yell. Actually I had to have been the calmest bitch in the world at that point. My voice was colder than the ice water I just threw on their stankin asses and I was shaking. Tay and Nya both know how I am. This was not the time to get all fly and test my temper. I tossed Nya her clothes. She damn near flipped when she seen how fukked up they were.
_____"Asha what the fukk did you do to my shit?" she screamed.
_____"Better your clothes than you. Now I suggest you stop bitching, get the fukk up, get dressed, and bounce and Nya please don't make me tell you again." I instructed.
_____My voice was colder and I was shaking even more. Tay and Nya both got up and got dressed. I fukked up Nya's clothes pretty bad but they were still wearable. Well, wearable enough for her to get the fukk up out of my crib before she got her ass beat. Hell it was hot outside. The built in air conditioning would prove nice. She should've thanked me actually. Shit it might even start a trend. Anyway, when Nya was finished getting dressed she didn't say a word to either me or Tay. She just left. Tay tried to be a slick nigga and leave behind her. I wasn't hearing that shit.
_____"Where the Hell do you think you're going?" I asked in a tone that dared her to say she was leaving this house.
_____"To make sure Nya gets downstairs ok." She answered as if it was perfectly normal.
_____Tay was a bold nigga I give her that but I was feeling bolder than ever at that moment. "Tay, if you leave this house don't come back." I was dead serious.
_____"Please yo. I'll be back." She dismissed my threat.
_____"Tay do not fukkin' try me. I am serious as a fukkin' AIDS case right about now gotdammit. If you walk out don't come back." I couldn't have been more serious if I tried.
_____"Aiigh yo. Fukk it." She said.
_____"Tay what the fukk was going on in your mind? Fukkin' Nya in my gotdamn bed? Have you lost all fukkin' control of your senses?" I asked.
_____"Yo Asha I honestly don't know. She came over and started talkin' to me. One thing led to another and it just happened." She tried to make it seem like nothing.
_____"It just happened? Oh really? Is that right? Mufukka shit like that don't just happen. Who are you fukkin' tryna game Tay? You don't start talking and then just start fukkin' outta nowhere! What the fukk do you take me for?" I was pissed as Hell but I was determined not to yell.
_____"Asha we've been going through some bullshit lately. Fukkin'always fightin' and shit. Nya came by and we started talkin' about it. I guess I was feelin' vulnerable. I just felt close to her at that point." She tried hard to justify what I walked in on. I wasn't hearing it.
_____"No nigga. When you're feeling fukked up about our relationship you come and talk to me. You don't go to the next bitch. I don't give a flying fukk if it was the preacher's wife. You come to me. And I don't give a fukk what the fukk we're going through. It don't give you the right to go fukkin' the next bitch. You know what Tay, get the fukk out." I was about to cry.
_____"Asha..." She tried to touch me. I backed away.
_____"Don't touch me. Tay I need to think about some shit. Just get out. I don't care where you go but you gonna get up outta here. When or if you come in tonight I suggest you sleep on the couch. I really can't stand to be next to you. As a matter of fact you sleep in that bed because I can't." I was crying now.
_____Tay tried to touch me again. I jerked away. She just put her head down and walked to the door. She looked at me before she left. I turned my head. She left.
_____"Can You Handle The Storm?" I thought I could. I really tried to get passed that whole Tay-Nya incident. I even called Nya to tell her that I wasn't going to hold the shit against her. I was going to the bigger person and just let it go. True, I didn't call her anymore after that but I wasn't hating her or anything like that either. As far as I was concerned Nya never existed. Tay was harder to forget. I slept on that couch for close to a week. I only spoke to Tay when it couldn't be avoided. Finally she came to me and suggested we talk.
_____"I'm sorry Asha." She said sounding almost sincere.
_____"Yes you are. I'm so glad you realize that fact." I said still being cold. Score one for Asha.
_____"Asha please can you drop the Ice Queen routine long enough to talk to me?"
_____"I don't know seeing how you didn't come talk to me and the only thing you dropped was Nya's drawls." AHAHAHA Super-bitch strikes again. Score is Asha two, Tay zero.
_____"Fukk it. Nevermind." She said frustrated.
_____I pissed her off. Final score is Asha three, Tay zero. ASHA WINS!!! The crowd goes wyld. Now I was ready to talk. "Don't nevermind me. Spit." I said.
_____"Asha I'm seriously sorry. I should've come to you. I fukked up. Baby, I love you. Please can we just get past this?" She was pleading.
_____"You know what? Its going to be hard but we can. I love you too. God only knows why but I do." I felt a little better.
_____The days and weeks went on and no matter how much I tried to get over what Tay had done I couldn't. It was always in the back of my mind. Whenever she left out too long I thought about it. Whenever she was out with her dawgs I thought about it. When I was away from her at any point I thought about it. I didn't trust Tay as far as I could spit. I had lost all trust in her that day I walked in on her fukking Nya and she hasn't gained an ounce back. I love her with all my heart but I can't trust her to save my life. If it was trust Tay or die I'd be one quikk dead bitch.
_____This distrust led me down another road. The "I don't give a fukk anymore" road. Since I didn't trust Tay it really didn't matter anymore what the Hell she was doing or who she was doing it with. And since I didn't care what she was doing anymore, I didn't find a point in minding what I did either. That was when I met Danni. Danni was fine. Almost as fine as Tay actually. The thing was that Danni was light skinned and I wasn't feeling light skinned niggas like that. She was fukkable though. Oooo was she fukkable. Needless to say I fukked her. The shit was good as a mufukka too. That was as far as it went with me and Danni though. We just stayed cool after that. Well anyway, I went home and told Tay what happened.
_____"Tay we need to talk." I said.
_____"What about?" She asked.
_____"Ok I never got over that shit with you and Nya. I don't trust you for shit. I don't think I will ever be able to trust you again to tell you the truth. Well anyway, its like this. I love you but we can't be together because I can't be with someone I don't trust. So with me not trusting you I just basically don't give a Hell anymore about what you do because I don't trust that you're doing the right thing anyway. So I met someone. We fukked. That's all it was and ever will be but I had to let you know. See its like this. One point in time I would've never even thought about being with anyone other than you but the fact that I was able to and not even give a shit shows me that we don't need to be together. I think you should move back home." I explained.
_____She looked crushed. Almost as crushed as I looked when I seen her and Nya. "Just like that you were able to go and fukk someone else?" She asked.
_____"No it wasn't just like that. Tay I don't feel for you like before. I love you. I always will, but it just isn't there anymore. You did serious damage when you fukked Nya and I can't get over that. We can still be friends." I tried to give her something.
_____"Yo Asha that was fukked up. How could you do some shit like that after you said all that shit to me about come and talk to you if something was wrong?" She was seriously hurt.
_____"I don't know Tay. It just happened I guess." That was mean. I know it was.
_____Well she didn't really say anything. She just walked away. She threw as much shit as she could into her duffle bag and walked to the door. "Nah Asha. Shit don't just happen." She left.
_____"Can You Stand The Rain?" I guess not. That was one storm that we couldn't come out of. There are still no rainbows except for the ones on my wall. I love Tay more than anything but I just can't be with her. I need time to get over what she did to me and I know she needs time to get over what I did to her. Its been a month. Tay came over last night to pick up the rest of her things. We talked, cried, held each other and made the sweetest, most passionate love ever. I miss her just as much as she misses me. We just need some time.
Go to Part 2