(for those who like to have their cake and eat too)
__________by Lovelybrown

She left at 7:00.
15 minutes later SHE knocked on my door
Can we speak?
Tired of running away from the truth…I let her in
We skipped the uncomfortable fake pleasantries and got down to business
So are you and She together?
Still shocked by the appearance of she at my door
I silently say no by shaking my head.
As phone rings in the background.
Back to back to back.
It’s her ring calling me…
Trying to intervene in this.
What are you two doing here?
Are you fucking?
Is she trying to be with you?
You know she’s been dealing with me too

Of course I know
I think
Isn’t that how lesbians get down?
Playing ping pong with exes until they’re ready to settle down.
I’ve been outside your house since 4:00 this morning she tells me
In a manner that was a bit to calm for my own comfort
I was waiting
Waiting for her to come out
Wanted to confront her and let her know
she ain’t playing no one

The phone rings in the background.
It is her ring calling me
Trying to break through this line created by confrontations
What is it about her that makes you love her so
She asks me in disbelief…
There has to be something about you that makes her keep running back…
My silence speaks for itself...as I weigh the situation
Completely void of expectations.
Void of emotion.
Void of feelings.
Yet this feels a bit to much like de ja vu.
Or rather de ja don’t.
I confirm my suspicions or rather thoughts brought on by my women’s intuition
by asking her questions
Putting my pulse on what has just happened here
See I was the first and she was the next
And now we are both just exes
Still dealing.
Still feeling.
But I’m not feeling this
You two need to work it out…she says
Cause I’m finished…
But you’re just friends?

I say or perhaps I ask
We are something in between
Her gestures seem to say
along with the fact that she had been camped out at my house since 4:00 in the morning
We finish our conversation
She leaves
The phone rings
It’s her ring.
It’s her calling.
Always calling me.
Like a sirens’ song
The phone rings.
The phone rings.
My usual emotional response is no longer present
I wonder if I have become numb
And then as I look in the mirror I recognize the strength in my eyes
And I answer the phone and make it simple…
“Leave me the hell alone.”

Copyright © 2004. Used by permission of author. All Rights Reserved.

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