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Toni Rae Knight

"Where the fuck have you been?" I sit up in the bed, an angry mass of sheets and damp skin. It had been the longest night of my life. She ignored me, which made me even more furious. The silence seemed ridiculous and ignorant in the face of everything that had happened tonight. The anger boils inside me, where it becomes an ugly, spiteful child. "So running the streets is supposed to prove something? I'm wrong and you're right because you're a slut?"

Silence. I watch her undress. As she slides the long black dress down over her shoulders, the sweeping motion sets her off balance and she teeters to the right. She had been drinking. I could feel myself snapping, could feel the bitter heat that burned in my throat. I flung off the sheets and approached her. This had gone on entirely too long.

"Why couldn't you just stay here and resolve this shit instead of running the streets, huh?" She continues to ignore me. I grabbed her arm. "What were you looking for anyway?" She snatches her arm away and without saying a word, walks over to the round table and sits down. She pulls a long thin cigarette from her purse and slips it between her rosy mouth. And then, she pulls a small silver lighter from her purse and sparks the end of the cigarette. She inhales deeply. I stare at her in silence. She knew I would want to rip the cigarette from her lips. I sighed.

It seemed she had become immune to my fierce volatility I was always a bolt of lighting--I knew that. Athletics had done that to me. But that was what had drawn her to me, she had told me that herself. And now, I felt she wanted more, or more likely something else entirely. How was I to balance myself against the uncertain current of her new desires? Especially when I had no idea where they carried her.

"Marry me." I move towards her, kneeling by the chair.

She exhaled the cloud of smoke and turned her head sharply towards me. "Shut up!" she hissed. "Don't you ever fucking say that unless you mean it!"

"I mean it."

"Well, I don't want to hear it until we're not arguing."

"Are we still arguing?" I smile at her. She pushes my shoulder roughly and crosses her arms across her chest; resting her elbows on the table. She smells of sweat and perfume and of me. She sits there in her bra and panties, her black dress coiled on the floor. Her breasts swelled against the rigid lace of her push-up bra. She was my woman. No one else could turn me on so quickly and so completely. I slid my hands up and down her arms, thrilling at the pucker of her skin as it became ripe with tiny goose bumps.

"Okay then, what do you want," I murmured, pressing my face against her neck.

She turned to look at me. She meets my eyes with hers. "I want to fuck you."

"Well, what are we waiting for?" I smiled. My arousal was quick and hard.

"No, that's not what I mean." She touched my face, smoothing her hands over the warm tug of skin. "I want to strap it on tonight."

"Now you've lost your mind." I pulled away sharply. "How much did you drink?"

"I'm not drunk Nico...I just want-"

"Over my dead dykey body." I interrupted. I pulled away from her and walked over to the bed, flopping into the disheveled mass of sheets.

She sighs loudly. "I know you're a virgin Nico...but I'm your woman. If you can't give it to me, who can you give it to?"

"Nobody. It's not meant to be given." "You are so fucking selfish. Every night you fuck me Nico, the same old thing. This big macho thing you got going on, you won't even let me finger you..."

"Oh, so now you're not satisfied with our lovemaking?" Anger, and a sudden surge of inadequacy boiled cold inside me.

"No, that's not it at all..." I feel her moving across the room and then slipping underneath the blankets, the weight of her body shifting the bed. Her hands are soft against my naked back. And then her fingers slip underneath the taut elastic of my sports bra, and slide around to the front. I flinch as she cups my breasts with both hands. She presses her own breasts against my back, nudging with the curve of her body, urging me to relax. "I just want to know you Nico, you're not a man. You wanna get married and all that good stuff well, I'm not gonna marry someone I don't know. I just want you to be a woman sometimes....just be you."

"This is me." I protested, "This is who I am. Why should I let you fuck me with a strap to prove that I'm a woman? "

"It's not about proving anything." She scolded. "It's about letting go. Please...." she begged softly, nuzzling her lips against the back of my neck. Her right hand moves from the hard pucker of my nipple to the growing wetness between my legs. "Just once, baby I promise I'll be gentle."

I closed my eyes, my jaw clenching against the wave of desire that swept me. "Why do you want that so bad?"

"I just want you to open for me mama..." She ran her tongue across the lobe of my ear, the sensation prickling down to my elbow. " I want you to completely open up to me."

I was silent for a long moment, and there was only the soft sounds of her tongue playing with my earlobe. Finally, I sighed. "Afterwards, you better not ever ask me again."

Squealing in delight, she scrambled over to the dresser and pulled the strap-on out of the bottom drawer. She climbed onto the bed and knelt before me as she held the dildo against her body. And then, pulling the leather straps through the small metal loops, she fastened it to her hips. Watching her, I felt like a child, anxious and jealous. That was my toy. She giggled, playfully grabbing the hard rubber cock and shaking it at me.

"That's it, take it off." I snapped, my ears burning.

"Okay, okay," She stopped playing around lay down beside me, pressing kisses against my face. "I'm so horny right now it isn't funny."

I turned to meet her mouth and we kissed for a very long time. She was a very sensuous kisser, slow and deep with lips and tongue. The first time we kissed I had an orgasm just from the sensation of her tongue against mine, the soft pressure of her full breasts.

We are kissing and then she is moving between us with one hand, touching me and then moving between my thighs and into the soft folds of flesh. I reach out to cup the soft weight of her breasts, pushing with my hips against the stroke of her hand. She slipped her fingers inside me, and then slowly, moved it deeper and deeper still. I turned my head away. And then she reached down and guided the cock against pressing gently before slipping it inside me. I gasp. The pressure would have been too sudden no matter how slow she had been moving. My entire body tenses, the bones seeming to brace against each other. The flicker of pain was quicker and far lighter than I had imagined, in fact, it could have been my imagination.

She pushes the cock all the way inside me, the pressure of it's length breaking me open. She uses her hand as she moves slowly against me, guiding the cock in and out of me. She moves like that against my body, harder, until I am groaning with the force of it. This is a new side of her I have not seen; strong and gentle and ripe. I want to tell her to stop, and then I don't. And then I want to tell her to move faster.

"It's okay, baby, you're still my big strong man...." she whispers in my ear as she pushes her hips into me. She kisses my face slowly, and then faster and faster as her own body begins to tremble. She grinds her clit into the dildo, pushing it deeper inside my swollen cunt. She is no longer kissing me but is pressing her damp face against my cheek, her breath hot on my neck. When she comes it is more like a sigh; an exhalation of frustrated energy. I come after her, and it is like being pulled from somewhere deep. I hold her face with both hands as my body shudders once, and then twice, and she kisses me long and hard, until we are both spent.


Copyright © 2001. Used by permission of author. All Rights Reserved.

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