"My plane will be in at 6:30 p.m. I'll expect to see you."
"I plan to be there."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
After Crystal and I hung up the phone I immediately felt guilty. What was I doing? I held my head in shame and despair. I really wanted to just free my soul of the burdens I held but I still couldn't find it in myself. It was then that I heard the water stop in the bathroom. I had to pull myself together, and quick.
Stacey exited wearing the silk bath robe I had bought her for Christmas. It looked so delicious on her. I wanted to devour her everytime I saw her in it, and as swiftly as the thought crossed my mind, so did Crystal. I remembered her gray cat-like eyes and smooth milky skin hovering above me as she whispered her confessions of love and adoration. Her hands sliding up and down my thighs while she made sweet love to my parted lips. And....
"What's on your mind?" Stacey asked.
"Uh, nothing. I just remembered I had to pay my car insurance." What? Did that lame shit just come out of my mouth?
"Well, I can run down and do it later if you can't make it in time." Damn, Stacey was such a good woman. I was lucky to have her,; so considerate and kind. She'd give me the shirt off of her back if I asked. She didn't deserve this. However. I couldn't just leave Crystal at the airport waiting for me. I made a promise and I had to stick to it. Besides, I had already lied about where I was going for the weekend and with only a few hours left I couldn't possibly try to change it up now.
"Oh no, I can get down there before my flight leaves."
"You sure?"
"So who was that on the phone?"
"What phone?"
"Your cell. I thought I heard it ring while I was in the shower."
"Oh, airport...calling to confirm my flight reservations."
"Oh, ok. So is your mom still picking you up from the airport? Because I could reserve a car for you online before you get there."
"No, no. I talked to her this morning. She's coming." I was such a liar, and a bad one. I was actually kind of hoping to be found out. I couldn't carry this weight on my shoulders too much longer.
As I sat on the edge of the bed I started to feel like a piece of glass; see through and fragile enough to shatter under the pressure of any further questioning, so I continued packing my bag as Stacey got ready for work.
She kissed me goodbye and wished me well on my trip right after bringing the one thing I always seemed to forget when I traveled, my toothbrush.
"Do you ever think about brushing your teeth at your mama's house?" She giggled, "You always forget it." She knew me so well and fell out like a little kid in her fit of laughter. Her radiant smile reminded me of all of the reasons I had fallen in love with her in the first place. My own laughter subsided with only more feelings of guilt and even more heartache.
When Stacey finally left I was left alone with only my thoughts. My right mind was telling me that this whole thing was a bad idea. Lately it had been getting the best of me and I was tired of lying, tired of sneaking, tired of hiding, tired of it all. Months on end, missing class, skipping work. This was it. I decided that this was the last time and I was finally going to break it off with Crystal. It was easier said than done.
I stood by the flood gates waiting for the rush of people to pour out from the flight from Phoenix, and fortunately Crystal was one of the first ones off. She greeted me with a deep heart felt hug and I could feel in her grip that she missed me a lot. It had been a while since our last meeting, and that was a rather long time for us.
The first few moments on the ride to her hotel were silent. Then the scent of her perfume caused the wonderful memories of our love making to surface but I felt conflicted in my own head. She knew me all too well too, and she knew that something was wrong. "So how's school?" She asked.
"Fine." I sighed and turned up the music to avoid any more questions. I didn't want to explain anything.
She got checked in and we made our way to the room with our bags in tow. Crystal hit the shower as soon as we walked in and I sat on the bed flipping through channels on the television anxiously awaiting her return. I had to do it, and I had to do it now because I knew once I was wrapped inside of those arms of hers I would lose the nerve.
I sat nervously going over my speech in my head and then she emerged. My God. My mind went blank as my attention was drawn to her 5'7" glowing athletic frame. She had curves in all of the right places and all I could think about was sliding my hands across them. The dim light danced against the water dripping from her body and I choked on the words that had collected on my tongue.
She slowly made her way over and without words she stripped me down until there was only my soul to bare. We stood in the middle of the floor entangled, kissing and caressing, sucking and licking each other with everything we had, and then we slid slowly together down towards the plush carpet.
She was spread eagled and I was deep inside of her love before I could think. It called for me. I sucked and lapped at her wetness like a hungry animal as I finger fucked her throbbing center. She moaned and squirmed beneath me as she gasped for air and pulled and pushed my head by the strong grip she had on my hair. The pain of the tug of war only made me work harder. I plunged deeper and she screamed louder until her voice was practically gone. "I missed you so much," she cried. Then she bucked wildly against my mouth, badly bruising my lips in the process. But I couldn't stop, not until I got what I was working so hard for. She inched away as her clit enlarged under my stern tongue strokes and she slapped at my arms and back as I held her down. She had nowhere to go, so she came. My face was drenched in her, my fingers buried deep inside of her, and I could feel her heartbeat against my finger tips.
I rested my face on her stomach in this position until her spasms subsided and without warning she flipped my 150 lb. frame like I was a feather weight onto my hands and knees and pressed my back downward until my breasts were pinned to the floor. Then she slid two fingers into my dripping pussy and one into my ass and worked me from the inside out. Only she knew how much I loved it that way. I panted in a state of euphoria as I desperately tried to grip the legs of the desk we had worked our way up to. I started to climb it as an escape but was gripped tightly around my neck and brought back to my knees with the kind of force that was not to be reckoned with, only obeyed if I didn't want to be hurt. But the guilt washed over me once more and I resisted.
Crystal grabbed a hand full of my hair and jerked my head back as she continued dipping in and out of me. She put her lips to my ear so close that I could feel the heat from her breath. "Stop fighting me. This is mine, right?" She questioned between heavy breaths. I didn't answer.
She gripped my hair tighter, tore into my neck with her teeth, and showed no mercy to my open holes until I finally broke down and said it. "Yes!" With that, she loosened her grip and my body collapsed to the floor. She pounded inside of me until I trembled and stuttered uncontrollably. She always thought that was funny but in a sexy sort of way and from there she made all of my love pour out for her, all over her, and all over the carpet, and I'm almost sure my voice could be heard all over the world, or at least the hotel.
We were left breathless, drenched in each others sweat, and preparing for our second round. There was so much catching up to do. "I love you baby." She whispered to me.
"I love you too." As I said it, I meant it, and as I looked into her eyes I felt it again. I never had stopped loving her. I still needed her even though she had moved almost 600 miles away from me, but I never could work up the nerve to tell her the truth. I was no longer staying on my college's campus. I even had a working house phone that she didn't know about. I had a hard time juggling school and work, but she didn't even know I had a job. I didn't tell her any of this for fear that she'd discover my lies... I moved off of campus, I got this phone, I have this job, and I struggle regularly to pay rent at an apartment I've been sharing with another woman for the past three months.
She'd never understand how lonely I had become without her. She was all that I had here. She'd never believe how much I cried when she'd come in on her weekend visits just to leave me again for four to five months at a time. I would never let her sense that frustration either because I didn't want to hinder what she had to do for her. The truth was, not even the extreme love and passion that we had for one another could bridge this 600 mile gap between us. I needed more. But I take these pieces of her with me and continue to love her because I don't want to hurt her, and I don't have the heart to say that I'm being unfaithful.

Copyright © 2005. Used by permission of author. All Rights Reserved.

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