by
Soft Studd
Damn, damn, damn! There goes our song again, I swear I’ve heard it at least a thousand times a day since we separated. I turn on my radio and there it is. At work, somebody’s playing it, on the train, it’s someone else’s ringer. It’s like everyone knows we’re not together and they want to remind me every second of every day! I still can’t believe that it’s only been a year we were together. It felt so much longer. It seems like only yesterday we were walking down the street holding hands. Now all I have are memories of what used to be. I can’t sleep, forget to eat, and at times it seems I can’t, or don’t want to breathe. Who would have guessed that the one thing I thought I never wanted would be the only thing for me. I sit and smile sometimes, reminiscing about how you swore you would have me and did your best to make that true. Talking to me when you knew I didn’t want you to, making me laugh when I’d had a bad day. Bringing me flowers for no reason, just cuz you thought I was special. I’m not sure exactly when it was that I realized I had fallen for you. It just seemed like I woke up and you were all that I could think about, all that I wanted to think about. I still tried to resist you, but I knew damn wells I was lying to myself and to you when I said I didn’t want yo black ass. All your niggas were telling you, “Give up, you ain’t goin turn her out! She gonna love dick till the day she dies!” You knew though. You knew I wanted you almost more than you wanted me and you weren’t gonna give up. That day we got together was the happiest day of my life. Can’t say I have much of any kind of happiness now. That was destroyed the day you left. That day will haunt me forever. You stood in my house and looked around like you’d never been there before. You looked at me and headed for the door. “Wait baby, please don’t go!” I knew I sounded desperate, but I didn’t give a shit. I was about to have the one thing that meant anything to me walk out of my life. You broke down and cried. I never saw you cry before that day. You cried and cried like the one thing in life you needed had just been ripped away. I ran to you and held you, not realizing that I had started to cry with you. “It’s not supposed to be this hard! It’s not supposed to hurt like this!” You kept saying this over and over as we cried together. You hadn’t let it show 'til then, how much it was hurting to let me go. I was thinking to myself, why did I have to lie! Why the fuck didn’t I just tell her! I got caught up in my own lie and now I was paying for it. We moved to my bed and laid down as I held you. Looking into each other’s eyes, we started to kiss. It wasn’t a simple kiss. It was one of those please don’t ever let me go kisses. You lifted up my shirt and started to kiss your way down my body, leaving a trail of arousal in your path. I started to cry anew, because I knew that this might be our last time together. You made your way down to my pants and started unbuttoning them, kissing each new spot of brown sugar you uncovered. I shivered every time your lips landed. It felt like the first time all over again. You slid my blue jeans down and kept kissing a path, leaving your marks forever branded on my body. Once they were off, you leaned up and kissed me, while slowly fingering me and playing with my clit. You know just how to do it to make me melt in your mouth, as well as your hand. You slid back down and slowly started to work my welcoming warmth, making nice, slow, full strokes into me with your thick tongue. This was one of the times I wished it was you and not me with the tongue ring. You keep stroking my silky trove, making love to it with your tongue, hitting my g-spot with each stroke in and my clit with each stroke out. All of that torture was about to make me collapse, but I wanted it to last forever. It may be the last thing I have to remember. “Don’t hold back baby please, just cum for me.” You know I could never resist you and this time was no different. I surrendered to you, moaning your name with my release. While still in the throes of passion, you pulled down your pants and boxers, and slid your strap into me in one fluid motion. I could do nothing but gasp as you kept up a steady rhythm that seemed to penetrate right to my very soul. This is what it truly meant to be made love to. The gentleness and care you took with me just made the thought of you leaving even more unbearable.I reached up to you and wrapped my arms around you. Pulling you close, I gasped breathlessly into your ear, “Please don’t leave me.”“I won’t baby,” you responded. “I never will.”I felt my orgasm rising up, and by the shift of your strokes, I knew yours was not far behind. Suddenly you grasped me tight, and whispered, “I love you.” For the first time in all our lovemaking, we came together. I felt our souls intertwine and become one, I knew then that we would never truly be apart.We laid there together spoon fashion, your arms around me, my ass nestled into your lap. Neither one of us wanted to make the first move, breaking up our momentary bliss, but we both knew the time had come. I got up and reached for my thongs and pants, handing you yours and your boxers in the process. I hadn’t noticed before, but they were the ones with the black silk background, and the hearts that said “I Love You!” A present from me for our one month anniversary. I turned away from the sight of them, not wanting the tears to return. After we were dressed, we walked silently hand in hand to the front door, knowing what was about to happen. I opened the door and we stood there looking beyond, knowing that once that threshold was crossed, things would never be the same again. “One of us has to make the first move,” you say. The look in your eyes said, It can’t be me!I took a deep breath closed my eyes, and stepped out the door. The one thought that keeps me going now is, at least I have the memories. 
