Diary of a Lesbian
This is dedicated to my one and only true love.
Not quite a true story, but some events have truth to it.
Looking into her eyes, I saw the fear, the trial, the tribulations and the happiness of our year together. This, our anniversary day, did not at all turn out the way I planned. Looking back, I tell you, we had a crazy year. It all started when we met at the only ladies only club in the whole town.
I was planning to just go home, kick off the boots, and peel off my olive green uniform coated with sweat, take a long, hot, bubble bath, and just chill in front of the boob tube with a glass of Moscato wine. I was just getting out of the tub when I was startled as the phone rang. I practically broke my neck trying to catch the phone by the third ring, to avoid it forwarding to my voice mail. It was Jazz- my good soft-stud friend. She wanted to go out that night. Thursday is Ladies night at the Black Rose Ladies Lounge. It's practically the only safe place to meet women who love to be with the same. When I say "safe place" I am talking about the fact that it is far enough away from the crowded areas of town that people that work with me won't drive by and see my car. The reason it's such a big deal is that I'm in the military, and although they have this "Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy" they really frown upon gays. In fact, they frown so much that if found to be in the life, a dismissal is imminent.
I just recently realized that I was a lesbian about four years ago. I had always liked looking at women; they were always so beautiful to me, and so soft. And, I've always been one to give more than receive. After trying several men, and going away with a feeling of distaste, I gave up on love. The final straw happened almost five years ago. Ok. I may as well start at the beginning. Here goes the story of my love life, and the beginning of my new life as I know it today.
My name is Lisa Yvette Verde. I came into the military because I couldn't find myself. I never had more than one or two friends growing up, and wasn't more than a big geeky outcast. I decided when I was out of high school to go on to college and become a nurse. Well, I really wasn't ready for the world. I had never been kissed, never been on a date, never gone to prom, etc.you get the picture.
Well, anyway, I went away to college and lost my mind. I not only kissed a guy after 3 or 4 weeks of being on campus, I had given up my precious flower all at the same time. I really liked him. He was a really cute, popular, and funny football cornerback for the college team. We hit it off, and were pretty close friends. His name was Keith and I finally had my first boyfriend. He was trying to show me new things. I didn't know I was so sexual until I gave myself to him. I couldn't get enough. He taught me how to please him. I must say, I was pretty darn good at it too.
Once, he asked if he could go down on me. I didn't know what he was talking about. I never heard of that before, and I was scared. Some of my dorm mates and I would get together once a week and have girls' night. We'd spend hours vegging out on junk food and watching Beverly Hills 90210, which was the popular new drama series. Michelle, one of the more loose girls in the group, was talking about how she got Omar to go down on her every time they did it. She described it in detail for me, so I had a visual picture. I was intrigued. Keith and I talked after class the next day, and we discussed getting together that night. I told him I wanted him to go down on me. He smiled, and said that I would love it.
All day I thought about Michelle, and how she and Omar must have looked having sex. I wondered about how she looked when she was about to cum. I thought about her perky breasts, which she has shown all of us girls on several occasions showing off her hickies. I started getting wet thinking about her erect, brown nipples. She was very exotic looking. I wondered what it would be like if she was with Keith and me when we had sex. Would Keith like her body? Would she want me to touch her?
Oh my gosh! What was my problem? What was I thinking about? I got annoyed with my thoughts, and concentrated on Statistics 101. That night Keith and I went to the campus movie theater. We watched the movie School Daze and just sat back and relaxed. I loved being around him. He was sweet to me. After the show, he walked me back to my room, and asked if he could sneak in later. I told him to come up the fire escape. About an hour later, I heard a knock on my window, and there was my lover boy. We went at it like rabbits. He picked me up and threw me down on the bed. He ripped off my nighties and kissed me hard on the lips. I liked the intensity of the moment. After that, he tried to jab his dick in me.
I stopped him and said, "Umm hmm. I want you to go down first."
He said, "Oh, you do? I can do that. Let me show you what it's all about."
Well, he did and it was not what I expected. It was scary, and different and uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do; I didn't know what I was feeling. I was praying I didn't smell, or taste nasty. I just was totally unprepared for the thoughts of discomfort and insecurity that I had. I freaked out. He went down on me, and said that I had too much hair. I didn't know that was a bad thing. It's not like I have nappy hair down there. It's really soft and shiny, actually. But, to him, it must have been a deterrent. He then used his fingers and flicked my clitoris. I liked the pleasure of that; but when he licked his tongue out and up and down my vagina, I lost control. I told him he had to go.
I didn't feel right. I don't know. The whole time I was having sex with him, I was thinking about Michelle. I was thinking about her dark skin, her pretty hair, and her soft hands. I was fantasizing about her juicy lips tenderly kissing my pussy. I didn't want him to touch me anymore. He was nice, and probably one of my closest friends there at the school. I cared a lot about him, but I did just not want that kind of affection from him. I told him that things were too fast; and he didn't take that very well. He told me we would just have to be friends. I cried, because for the most part, I would miss him. I didn't want things to change; I just wanted things to be with someone else-sexually.
Shortly after, we both transferred colleges, and went our separate ways. I will always hold him dear in my heart as my first, but he was definitely not my last. After that experience, I gave myself to many a man. Countless many. I don't even know an estimate of how many men have had some of me. Basically, I was trying to sex a man into loving me. But, the men I was with just weren't about that. They only wanted me when they wanted me to give my now very famous blowjobs. I gave a lot of myself to them, too. More than I am going to indulge you with now.
But, long story short, I finished with college and stayed in the medical field, working 3 jobs at one time. Still couldn't make ends meet with 3 jobs, so I ended up doing the thing most women who can't find themselves end up doing. I became a stripper. I made sure that no one would know who I was, so I went to Atlanta every weekend. That was 3 hours from my hometown. No one knew me there, and it was easy money. I could bank a good four hundred a night, sometimes a little less, sometimes a little more. Unlike some of the other girls, there was no sex or drugs involved for me. I was only about the money. It was a degrading thing to do; yet I felt it was necessary. I didn't even seem like myself when I was doing it. I was an actress by nature, so I acted like I enjoyed every minute of men gawking at me, and lusting- some trying to touch. It was just nasty. I went home after dancing, smelling of cheap cologne, alcohol and smoke from the patrons of the club. I would stand in the shower for at least an hour and just let the water roll over me.
I don't think I ever knew what I wanted to do with my life. I had tried all kinds of jobs, all kinds of majors in college, and all kinds of men. Nothing worked. So, to start over and leave that dreaded state of Tennessee, I entered the Air Force; and just like that.I changed. I was tired of giving my all to every man who paid a little attention to me. I was ready to just settle down, look for someone special. Then it happened. There was someone, I loved him very much. Rashaad.
He was the absolute happiness to every day. He was funny like Martin Lawrence, handsome like Michael Jordan, and smart as could be. I really enjoyed his company. I met him and we just meshed. Right there, like that. I thought we were meant for each other. He spent a lot of time with me, we would sit around all day on the weekends watching Jeopardy, playing games, talking, eating and having fun. I thought that he was the One. I actually thought that I would be the next Mrs. Rashaad King. In the bedroom, I took over, as it was in my nature to do. He wasn't much for pleasing me, but I was satisfied because I made him feel so good. I was very aggressive and always a pleaser. He even cried a couple of times, because the sex was so good. I really thought that I loved him, and I thought we were great together.
Then, the ultimate bomb was dropped. See, in the military, one can transfer bases without their spouse and live separately until the other can transfer too. Well, Rashaad was married. He had this beautiful wife that was also military and waiting until her orders arrived to come down to be with him. So, all the time we had spent together was just a way for him to fill the lonely void in his life until his wife arrived to be with him forever. He just sprung the news on me one day. No apologies, no explanations. Until then, I didn't even know he was married. I didn't see it coming. One year of being everything to him and for him, and that is what I got out of it!
I decided it was time for me to move on. I needed to go somewhere and fast. So, I applied for a special training job the military has for medical people. Well, I would have to move to Thailand.
I got the job.
That's where my life drastically changed.
I had basically given up on love. I didn't want any part of any man. I was sick of it! Well, all these military men stationed with me in Thailand kept trying to be "friendly" with me, so to say. But, I was honestly sick of the bull. I wanted nothing to do with it. No more meaningless sex, no more married men, no more flings. I was through. But soon, it wore on me. I hadn't been with anyone for about five months, and I was kind of lonely.
Luckily, I was working a lot, so I spent a lot of my time thinking about places I was going and things I was seeing. I had befriended this really pretty girl that worked with me named Deshea. She was so much fun to be around. She was really funny and entertaining, always making me laugh with these outrageous stories she told. We became pretty tight. Often I would think of her when she wasn't around. I would miss her if she weren't in my presence. We would talk on the phone a lot and go to each other's rooms when we were off duty. Sometimes at night, she'd ask me if I wanted to stay over. Of course I did. She was so cool to be around and I didn't want to leave her side. I wondered what it would be like to kiss her big beautiful lips, and to caress her skin. Sometimes I would sit for hours masturbating to her voice on the phone, or to a picture of her that I kept on my computer desk in my dorm room. I was always wondering what she looked like naked.
Sometimes, we would have to take trips together for work. Luckily, I got the news that we'd be flying on a mission together in Brazil. We would be there for a week, and then head back to Thailand. So, on our trip down, we talked about what we'd be doing while there. She was telling me all kinds of interesting things about herself. She told me that she isn't into the club scene, but she could shake her ass with the best of them. She's sort of a tomboy, but she's beautiful, and small- framed; but has the walk and demeanor of a tomboy. She doesn't wear dresses or makeup, but she's not hardcore either. I asked her what she likes to do since she's not a clubber. She thought for a moment, then stated matter of factly, "I really like to just chill at home with a good movie and a good gal," as if reflecting on pastimes. I momentarily looked at her as if she just told me that she was a monster. And then my jaw dropped as I asked her to repeat herself. She smiled with the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, and she said, "I like girls, Lisa. It's really no biggie. I haven't been with a man in about 6 years."
"Why?" I asked.
"I just don't think they can do anything for me like a woman can. And what's your story? It's funny. I never asked you. Do you have a man in your life.or a woman?" She smiled again, this time with a sexy look from her eyes. God! What a beautiful smile. So erotic. I wasn't lying when I told her she was beautiful. She has gorgeous Chinese shaped eyes, big soft lips that naturally make your panties wet when she licks them. She has creamy brown skin, and this taut body.
Yeah, I had a crush. I previously thought it unhealthy, but now that she revealed herself to me, I was intrigued. I was practically starving for her. So, in answer to her question, I nervously said, " I have never been with a woman, but I honestly have wondered about it on several occasions." Don't stop talking now and chicken out, I thought to myself. So, I continued, "I always liked looking at women and I've always thought they were soft, sexy and beautiful. I don't know. maybe I'm curious." I smiled. I felt like a kindergartener on her first day of school. I was embarrassed.
She took my hand in hers. Wow! What a soft hand. That was it. I wanted her. Just like that. "Curious" she asked, "is that what it is? I know I want you, do you want me?" I looked at her in awe, and then she said, "I have always liked you. You are very pretty and I've always wanted to see how you taste."
I thought, Oh my God! What am I doing? But, as I thought those thoughts, I felt my panties get wet, and my nipples harden. I knew that I wanted the same.
She continued, " I want to feel your lips on mine. Since I can't do it on the plane, do you think I can I kiss you when we get to the hotel?"
I immediately answered, "Yes!" without any thought to it. I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth! For the next thirty minutes I was in an impatient state. I couldn't wait to land. I was so anxious that I could not even concentrate on my medical work. We finally landed and got in the shuttle to the downtown Club Med in Brazil. When we got to the hotel, we were told we'd have to share a hotel room. Ironic, huh?
When we got to the room, it was a beautiful view. It was directly on the beach. There were two queen-sized beds, a big bathroom with a garden tub, and a nice sized television. She took off her shirt claiming that she was hot, and looked at me with irrepressible lust.
Something I had never felt before happened to me. I felt powerful butterflies. A chill ran down my spine. She slowly came over to me, licked her lips, and kissed me sweetly. It was the most amazing thing that I'd ever felt in my life! I don't think that I can describe the feeling of those extremely soft juicy lips sucking my bottom lip. I hungrily kissed her back. She was so gentle. She slowly pulled my flight uniform down and felt my skin underneath. Her hands were so soft! I was dripping wet. We had just flown ten hours, so I really didn't feel that clean or comfortable.
She sensed my discomfort, and suggested that we take a shower. Man! She was so addictive. I watched her strip down, and what a body she had. She was toned, and had these beautifully erect breasts with supple nipples, and great legs. I was still a little shy, so I waited `til she hopped in the shower before I undressed all the way. I had so many thoughts running through my head. I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't sure if I should proceed or not. But, she was so intriguing, and was so much fun. I know that we were friends, but I wondered if I could I handle this.
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