by Marsha Blue

The hardest thing to do is express to you how I actually feel.
The easiest thing is anger because I am so mad.
Mad at u for walking away.
I never thought that I would hate u or could. You took away
What I felt I had most with you, the ability to trust.
Do you have that? No? Well me neither now
I cannot feel it. I believe that I extremely dislike you. I believe that I
Cannot stand the sound of my name on your lips
I hear it and my body feels like it wants to hurl.
You fucked it all up and now you want me not to hate
Want me not to be mad that my woman is with another woman,
Want to walk into my arms after you have spent the night in hers
Well I have to say that that is impossible. That will never
Happen until god clears my heart for someone new.
I will not
Come back to u.

Inside I feel cold and numb. Like this empty hollow log.
I am limp.
Like dead flowers in rotten water.
If that was your mission then you have succeeded
I haven't felt a thing since the day that you walked out on me
Yes I can admit that you left me, and maybe I deserved to be
Left but not in the way that you left me behind.
You walked out without looking back and for you I have looked back
When it came to you I stayed and tried
You gave up.
You mixed it up. U bought someone else into the picture and
Not only was it someone that we knew
She befriended us. Tried to make me think that she was a friend to us
Both when her intentions were u.
So do not blame me blame yourself
You have turned me into this insecure woman
Who is afraid to love? The only feeling I have at hand is hate.
Don't beg for my forgiveness just
Walk away.
U say u will die if we do not speak
I am waiting patiently without a word to u.
I never expected this.
It has been 6 months, 1 week, 4 days and 5hrs
I can go into minuets but that would sound like I am obsessed.

Copyright © 2004. Used by permission of author. All Rights Reserved.

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